This chapter, in many ways, is the last chapter of the book. It is presented here to give a broad-based understanding of the method . . . now, as you begin this journey. A second reading, after completing the remainder of the book, will unfold a new richness and depth as well as reconfirming many insights and revealing new ones.

The accent here is on the nature of the Option dialogue, the series of questions and the probe into our system of beliefs. The form is simple and direct, a contemporary Socratic exploration. Each question is born from the content of the last statement made. Stripped of direction and judgments, we proceed naturally from ourselves.

But why begin with questions? To ask ourselves, to make an inquiry does not mean we are ignorant or that we do not understand. It's just a way of bringing knowledge and awareness to life.

On these following pages are notations on a layout, a design, a dialogue motif. It is a bare skeleton brought to life by each of us as we use it, as we live it. More than just an initiation, it is also the final service area in the journey through this book, which is, in reality, a journey through ourselves.

From the Attitude, "to love is to be happy with," comes the Method for helping myself to become happier in every way. In approaching myself, in accepting the model, I am accepting myself. There is no directed or designed piece of behavior. The unraveling and the discovery as well as the opportunity to change comes from opening myself to my beliefs.

In viewing them as they operate, I can decide whether I want to continue to believe them or not. Herein lies the crystallization of choosing or rechoosing, accepting or discarding. The only mysteries are the ones I make. References to emotional disturbance or mental illness are not applicable. Those are the judgments of others. An unhappy person is a person reacting to his beliefs of unhappiness. It's much more a question of learning and teaching myself with an open awareness of my own power, dignity and knowing.

Unhappiness germinates when I see myself or events as being bad for me. The Option dialogue technique is for those of us who might want to live more happily and, thus, more effectively (without self-defeating results and painful by-products).

Great, it feels like I really want to do it, become happier and maybe even shoot for the sky-perfect happiness. I can certainly envision the benefits of ridding myself of unhappiness in my job, my love relationship, my sexual involvements ... in almost everything. The ramifications are just incredible - moving comfortably, being in harmony with my body, expanding new horizons. But wait! What about the big, big immovable horrors . . . war, famine, poverty, disease? Shouldn't they still make me unhappy? Aren't they still things to be legitimately depressed about?

Okay . . . let's talk about these realities. The focus of our attention has always been on you and me. Why? Because your unhappiness lives within you as my unhappiness lives within me. So what are we saying when we are angry and upset with the world's great problems? Aren't we saying that we really want them solved, the violence to cease, the poor to eat, the sick to be cured? That's what we want! But why are we unhappy about it? Because, as with other more limited personal dilemmas, we use the unhappiness (anger, frustration, fear) to help us stay in touch with what we want ... to motivate and reinforce ourselves. To flip the switch. We're afraid that if we were not unhappy, we wouldn't try to do anything about "the great tragedies." Some of us might also be believing that if we didn't get upset, we would somehow be callous and "inhuman."

Initially, I use unhappiness to move myself to do something (join a protest march, volunteer for a benefit, send money to a charity). I feel so much better after doing something. The initial unhappiness also reconfirms that I care ... that I am a sensitive and involved human being. "Yes, but I really do feel sad about those problems." Sure, if I believed that I would be a "bad" person if I didn't, then I would feel sad.

No one is here to argue with such feelings and reactions. But can't we still want to improve world conditions without being melancholy and anxious? Can't we find the motivation to help others from our loving and caring, rather than our outrage and anger?

Good, that really helps. I could understand caring without being unhappy. Although I couldn't be happy about world conditions, maybe I could be neutral and attend to my other good feelings. Yet, another mountain suddenly appears. What about the big one . . . what about death? How could I help but be unhappy about dying? Those fears, like many others, come from my beliefs. If I were brought up in another culture, I might welcome death as the most beautiful part of living. No fear at all, just an embrace.

My anxiety about death and dying would have to come from my beliefs that it is bad for me. I might also have many additional supportive beliefs about losing time to enjoy loved ones, being deprived of opportunities, etc. In this culture, most of us have acquired many fears (beliefs and superstitions) about our mortality. No one is suggesting they are silly or unfounded. If we believe them, they are real - for us. So the question that could be asked is: What is the exact nature of my individual fears of death and why do I believe them? Although death seems inevitable, we each have our specific fears and anxieties. If it disturbs me, then perhaps I can include it as part of my exploration. "Would that mean if I didn't fear it, I would want it?" Of course not ... couldn't we not fear dying and still want to live? Isn't fearing dying really wanting to live? Hear this as it is said . . . we can look at what we want; the only thing we have to lose is our unhappiness.

I'm almost ready to go on ... but, ah, just a minor case of the last-minute jitters. An old belief returns. I understand that the concept "if I were happy all the time, I'd be an idiot" is just not so. What stays with me is the concern that if I allow myself to be happy under all circumstances, how can I be sure I'll move. If I'm happy any place, it wouldn't make a difference where I was. Okay, let's look at that . . . the more we allow ourselves to deal with the questions, the more possibilities for becoming happier. When the happy skier stops on a ridge, does he stop moving (he's happy on the ridge) or does he continue going down the mountainside as he wants? When a musician is happily playing, does he get stuck endlessly on one piece or does he too move as his inclinations guide him? If I am happy swimming, won't I still stop when I am tired? If I am enjoying hiking, won't I still interrupt my walk in order to eat?

And doing something out of happiness does not cause lethargy. On the contrary, it usually increases our mobility and effectiveness because instead of fighting our fears and running from pain, we more clearly see our wants and move with ease toward them (or move simultaneously as we want).

In dismantling the beliefs of unhappiness, we free ourselves to allow our wanting and the undiluted energy flows within us. As we have seen, a fearful or anxious person often blocks data and has difficulty processing information since he is diverting his energies to deal with his discomforts. The happy person would simply allow intake and digest, knowing that what he sees and understands can only make him better equipped and more effective. But this occurs concurrent to happiness . . . it is neither an end goal nor an intermediate goal. Other disciplines herald "self-awareness," "adaptation," & "effectiveness" or "normalcy" as goals. And if you ask them why, they would probably say these goals are attained in order to be happy. Option cuts through it . . . we can be happy now . . . now while we are trying to change ourselves. Happiness is not a reward unless we withhold it from ourselves until we reach a desired goal. And would we withhold it if we knew we were going toward our goal anyway?

Stripped of all surface manipulation, there is only our wanting to be happier and our journey toward happier-ness. It does not matter how we define it or how we describe it or whether we agree upon what it is . . . we know when we are happy and feeling good when we are there, we have no questions.

In using the Method, we become a "therapon" for ourselves, a second voice, a comrade in a common struggle. We could also be a facilitator for others and let them be one for us.

For some of us, there is the Option teacher who can ask the questions, although each student still retains absolute control. But there is the alternate possibility of acting as our own "therapon," serving ourselves by lifting the debris and allowing a more natural flow helping ourselves to be happier.

Since the Option Process begins with the attitude, which is a way of life, a style of being and a perspective of seeing, let's review its nature. "To love is to be happy with." No judgments. No conditions. No Expectations. Allowing myself and others the freedom to be whoever they are, to do what they do or don't do. To be accepting without giving up my own wants or giving up trying to get what I want. Permitting my desires to be a function of wanting and not needing. A willingness to put aside my pretending because I am aware I do not need that protection from myself. Accepting responsibility for who I am, without indictment or recrimination. The "shoulds" and "should nots," the "have tos" and "musts" can be laid aside. If I know that nothing is wrong with me, then anything I come to uncover could only enrich me and help me in getting more of what I want. Being aware that others are also doing the best they can, the best they know how, based on their current beliefs ... they're wanting to be happier, wanting to be more loving.

In crystallizing my awareness and viewing the beliefs behind my unhappiness, I go with myself in no preset direction. Permitting myself to begin and end as I choose, with no accomplishment necessary in order to allow myself to feel good. To trust myself, knowing that I always take care of myself.

In exploring our behavior and feelings as it relates to our happiness and unhappiness, we begin the Option Process.

Most of us believe that we have to be unhappy now so that we can be happy later. In using unhappiness as a motivator, reinforcer and gauge (to measure our caring), we create a continual cycle of discomfort. In the present, we are unhappy or uncomfortable in anticipation of the uncertain future. And since there's always an uncertain future, in the present we are then always living with some unhappiness.

We break the cycle by helping ourselves to be happier by living in the non-anticipating now. In turning that corner, we also indirectly help others. Our increasing good feelings and acceptance is a loving and embracing way in which we come to allow others their own space and freedoms.

Unhappiness is based on a logical system of beliefs. Thus, we look within our own belief system since all the reasons are connected and activated there. Our perception and thoughts all filter through our belief system (resulting in our behaviors and feelings). Portions of this system form the apparatus to dissect and, perhaps, disconnect (as we want).

Our endeavor is more akin to philosophy than psychology. It is a question of what- we learned (and now believe) and what we want to do about what we learned (and still believe). In that process, each of us is our own expert, regardless of who asks the questions.

There is no one who knows more about who you are and what you believe than . . . you.

The design, mood and meaning of the exploration comes from you. If it doesn't, then it merely articulates the beliefs of another. And isn't that in part how we got here in the first place, when we began to ignore our own voice and put aside what we know.

If another's goal or interpretations supersede mine, then I am the recipient of an additional bombardment of beliefs, none of which helps me to uncover my own beliefs and accept or discard them as I choose. To know me and my wants is for me to do. "But how do I know if I'll tell myself the truth?" Just ask and then answer.

There is only one professional in my case and that's me ... only one professional in your case and that's you.

The Option Method, coming from the Attitude, breaks down into three basic questions with one alternate question. Although each question has a diverse variety of forms and subquestions in order to clarify answers, the model is incredibly simple.

1. What are you unhappy about?

1.

2. Why are you unhappy about that?

3. Why do you believe that? Or do you believe that?

(Alternate) What are you afraid would happen if you werent unhappy about that?

What? That's impossible, you're thinking. It can't be any good; it's too simple and I'm so complex. It's too confining. Yes ... and maybe, no. Yes, it is beautifully simple in terms of questions, but no, not in terms of its capacity to unravel and help us focus. Like happiness itself, the route to it is simple and uplifting.

The complexity is the journey through the unhappiness, through the maze of interrelating beliefs and short circuits. For some there is no method; they just decide to be happy. Period. Super-simple, yet attainable by a few. For the majority of us, our discomforts and fears are still strong enough and prevalent enough to short-circuit our flow and allowing. When we consider the content of many of the following chapters: children, love relations, sex, health, guilt, money, the psychic experience and trusting ourselves . . . we will discover an "apparent" collage of conflicting ideas and beliefs. Some of it might appear perplexingly complex. Yet still, the discoveries are born out of only three elemental questions. There are no other tools required, except an awareness of wanting to be happier.

Let's begin with the first question, then explore variations as well as the subquestions. What are you unhappy about? Or What about that makes you unhappy? If you just lost a loved one or were demoted in your job, incurred a huge debt . . . if you are having problems with sex or money . . . the question at first might seem outrageous and ridiculous. How could anyone, for example, ask a person why they are unhappy about their lover dying? More than offensive, it's absurd. But is it?

It might seem silly because we each conjure up an immediate and emphatic answer that we are sure everyone has. Yet, the answers are not always what we expect nor are they beyond comprehension. Often, therapists, professionals and teachers believe they know the answer in advance (that's how they make diagnoses and predictions) ... but only you can know the answer. Back to the question. What is it about your lover dying that makes you unhappy? No one is saying that we "should not" feel unhappy or, if we get unhappy, we should suppress it or not vent it . . . the probe is to identify the underlying belief. You'd probably be surprised bow incredibly varied and different the answers are: "I am unhappy that she suffered so much." "I am unhappy about missing her." "I am unhappy about being left alone." "I am guilty because I didn't treat her right." "I am unhappy because I am so difficult to love, and will end up lonely without her." Each answer, following from our concept of no direction, leads us into different areas. "How will I know which one is my answer?" Ask yourself. A trail that begins in one place can move in many directions. We cannot assume there is an obvious answer or underlying fear, because there isn't. There is only my answer for me, your answer for you.

We each have our own reasons for being unhappy. And since each of us is different, only you can answer for yourself.

The first question also has many variations. Often, we will say "I am not unhappy, I'm angry." So we deal with our own vocabulary and symbols. What am I angry about? What am I anxious about? What am I uncomfortable about or frightened about? Unhappiness is just a grab-bag word encompassing any feelings or thoughts we are uncomfortable with. The subquestion is for further clarification: what do you mean by that? Or again, what about that makes you unhappy? If I say I am unhappy about not having someone to take care of me . . . what does that mean? Physically, emotionally, sexually or materially? Each answer of what makes us unhappy can usually be refined by asking a clarifying question to further identify and pinpoint the unhappiness.

So we begin the cycle. What are you unhappy about? I am miserable that my lover died. What about that makes you miserable? I'll miss her. What do you mean? Well, there will be no one to share my life with; no one left to care. I'll be unloved. So being cared for or the possibility of being unloved now becomes the continuing focus of the questions and answers. Still at this point, we have not gone beyond the first question. Even when we ask the second question, often, we return to the first. There is no rigidity or predetermined logic, all of it comes from the last answer. Each and every time.

The Option Method is a way of being with ourselves ... it is not pushing and pulling in directions, but all owing of our natural propensities.

The second question: Why are you unhappy about that? Again, there might be some of us who could react with annoyance and shout "What do you mean by why?" "Anyone would be unhappy if they lost a loved one." Sure, but your unhappiness is not being judged. The question is not an indictment or criticism, only a search for the reasons why. Often, when others have asked us why, their questions have had many overtones, such as the implicit statement that you should be doing it differently. This time the question is not loaded . . . there are no unstated judgments. It is just a vehicle to help us understand.

So if we had answered that we were unhappy about losing a loved one because we are then left alone, the next question would be: Why are you unhappy about being alone? Because I'll have no one to love me. Why would that make you unhappy? Because I want to be loved. The alternate question might be introduced at this juncture: What are you afraid would happen if you weren't unhappy about being alone? I would stay alone. I might not try to find someone else. Oh. Then what is being said is: "If I am not unhappy about it, I won't do anything to improve it." Here we see the exposure of a significant belief. In it, we can also see how, even with unhappiness, we are always taking care of ourselves, doing the best we believe possible for ourselves.

Now, the last question might be asked: Why do you believe that? Sometimes, we cannot find any reasons. In that case, we have the opportunity to review the dynamic and discard it if we want. "If I don't have a reason, then why am I still believing that?" On other occasions, we might have an answer. For example, I believe it because it's always been that way. The question that might take shape is: If it always has been that way in the past, does it mean it will always be that way in the future? That would be a clarification question. The answer might be: Well, I guess it doesn't have to be that way because it was in the past ... but with my luck it will happen again. Okay, if it happens again, what would you be unhappy about? And here we are now back to the first question.

Since each belief is supported by other beliefs, the movement usually follows relevant lines. The why do you believe that question could be asked at any point, provided I am dealing with a statement about beliefs (I'm not talented, I'm unlovable, something is wrong with me, etc.). Underlying all the dialogues are usually some basic or global beliefs. When those are changed in an individual, entire spheres of behavior and feeling can change. Suppose, after investigation by the Method, I became aware that I had always believed that something was wrong with me. I choose now to discard that belief (as I come to know I am what I want and can always change as I wish). This would affect every concept of living and every area of my activity. The possibilities are endless when each question flows from the previous answer.

On some occasions, we might give ourselves circular responses. I loathe it because it bothers me because it makes me unhappy. Or I am unhappy because I am sad because I am depressed because I am uncomfortable. The substitution here is merely one descriptive word for another. A clarification question might be asked: What is it about being sad or depressed that particularly bothers you? There is no reason to refute or debate yourself. It is not "bad" to feel the way you do. Go with it, you'll do the best you can.

Another helpful note: Verbalize out loud, if possible. Why? So that you can hear it; you can give it solidity and more visibility. Your words make your ideas more reachable. We say it to know it better. Fears and beliefs alike are easier to grasp once articulated. It's also exciting to hear yourself say something you didn't know you believed.

A tight recap. There are three basic questions, each with a subquestion for purposes of identifying or clarifying unhappiness.

1. What are you unhappy about? What do you mean by that or what about that makes you unhappy?

1.

2. Why are you unhappy about that? What do you mean by that?

3. Why do you believe that? Or do you believe that?

4. (alt.) What are you afraid would happen if you weren't unhappy about it?

Often the trail to the last question is some distance from the first, yet everything is always relevant to the place where we begin. Many times, when we are asked why we believe the beliefs we just uncovered, we have no answer. Often, we have accepted them without question. Nevertheless, that gives them no less power, but it does afford us an opportunity to decide whether or not we want to retain them.

There is one additional, highly useful question that we can incorporate as part of the Method or just use at random as an effective focusing device: What do you want? Often, we are so busy negotiating with our distress or confusion that we lose sight of our wanting. Just pausing and addressing ourselves with that question at any time can be a productive technique for centering ourselves. In the office, at home, on vacation, while eating, loving or running ... if we find ourselves confused or doubting, we can stop momentarily and pose the question: What do I want? Frequently, you will have an immediate answer which will help you clarify your current actions and feelings as well as direct you more vividly toward your wants.

Perhaps, in review, we might gather together the most frequently encountered beliefs in our culture from which unhappiness often blossoms and is further supported. For some of us, their exposure as a dynamic on the pages of this book might have been just enough to dislodge them. If so, beautiful! If not, we can always assess what we feel about these beliefs and ask ourselves (if it applies) why do I believe it or what about it makes me uncomfortable or unhappy?

They look pretty wild strung out in a column. Although they just represent a tiny sampling of beliefs of unhappiness, they provide a well-integrated foundation for misery and despair. Maybe, before we move on to a dialogue of the method, we can pause. Take each of the stated beliefs on the list above and, one by one, ask yourself the question: Do you believe it? If your answer is no, then you just had the opportunity to reaffirm what you know. If you answer yes, then you might want to ask: Why? Whatever your ultimate conclusion, the questions are a way for each of us to help bring our own awareness to life.

The following dialogue, and all those presented throughout the book, are compressed versions of explorations using the Method. Since they are focused on individual people and their answers, the function here is not to convince or convert. Nor are their conclusions necessarily capable of being generalized. Their revelations are theirs. They are presented merely as a more graphic representation of the questions as a technique and a style of inquiry. As onlookers, we can only imagine the impact or meaning of self-discovery for another. It is only through ourselves that it becomes our experience.

Your becoming happier is for you to do. In exposing and exploring beliefs, in discarding old ones and choosing new ones there is only one relevant subject area and that's you.