How
The Option Institute Can Help
Relationship issues are often described as entities
in and of themselves, to be navigated by those involved.
We don't believe there is any such thing as a relationship
issue.
Our first relationship advice principle is: What others
call relationship issues are simply two individuals,
each having his/her own issues and thus being unhappy,
judgmental or unloving with his/her partner.
So, instead of helping you fix an amorphous "relationship
issue," we can help you to look at your own fears, hurts,
and concerns-and help your partner look at his/hers.
A controversial idea: your partner doesn't make you
unhappy (no matter what he/she does).
Sound hard to swallow? We don't blame you. We have been
schooled repeatedly to believe that our happiness lies
in the hands of others, particularly those of our lover.
Much of the relationship advice we receive is predicated
on this idea. This has set us up to experience love
relationships marked by blame, distress and attempts
at manipulation.
However, it is possible to approach relationships from
a new perspective. In fact, if your partner can't make
you unhappy, it follows that you can't make him/her
unhappy. And that also means that you can't make each
other happy.
This is good news! This means that you have the power
to decide how you feel regardless of what your partner
does, and it also means that you are not to blame if
your partner gets upset with you.
Some might see this as a license to be "harsh" or "callous."
We have seen the exact opposite. When individuals in
a couple begin to take ownership for their own feelings
and their own experiences, the door swings open for
limitless expressions of love and affection without
conditions, without blaming and without attempts at
manipulation.
We can show you how to make such a love relationship
a reality for you and your partner.
Therefore, our second relationship advice principle
is: Take ownership for your emotional experience, and
allow your partner the opportunity to take ownership
for his/hers.
Are you still waiting to get all that you really want
from your love relationship? Let us help you get the
type of relationship you've always dreamed of. One of
our strongest areas is facilitating total authenticity
in communication, which we see as the absolute key to
a deep and satisfying relationship.
In fact, www.chickperspective.com ran a survey on their
website (124 respondents, 85% of whom were women) and
found that when respondents were asked to rank the importance
of "honesty and complete trust" in a relationship on
a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being the most important, 87% answered
with the number 5.
And yet, many of us have difficulty making this happen
in our own relationships. On the same survey, when respondents
were asked to: "Tell me how you feel about the communication
process in your current (or most recent) relationship,"
 Thirty
precent responded, "It's perfect. It's very relaxed
and open. My partner and I can talk
about anything."
However,
even more people-37%-responded, "It's strained, and
I don't really know how that happened.
It doesn't seem to take much before we find ourselves
fighting, sometimes over really simple things."
And
24% responded, "It's impossible. It seems we never talk
about anything but the necessities,
and when we actually try to have a real conversation,
we end up arguing or on completely
different pages."
This brings the total number who characterized their
communication as "strained" or "impossible" to 61%-a
clear majority.
Moreover, when asked what they would like to change
about the communication in their relationship, by far
the most-62%-said "openness." ("Less judgmental" came
in third.)
We can help you with this issue, and it doesn't have
to be painful.
Quite the contrary: It can be done playfully and with
caring. For instance, our "Principles of Happy Negotiation,"
offered in the CouplesCourse, can provide
you and your partner with an easy, meaningful and fun
method of negotiating for what each of you wants from
the other in the relationship.
Not surprisingly, our third relationship advice principle
is: Prioritize authentic communication first and foremost.
These are the most basic tools to begin with. With other
tools into which we delve in detail in our programs,
you can truly create, with your lover, the relationship
you've always wanted but might have been afraid to hope
for.
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