The Psychology of Authenticity

Let's be honest: we lie. In fact, we lie a lot. Robert S. Feldman, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, published a study (6/10/2002) in the Journal of Basic and Applied Social Psychology which found that 60% of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation, telling an average of 2 to 3 lies.

The study also found that men and women lied with equal frequency but in different ways. Women were more likely to lie in an effort to have the person they were speaking to feel good, and men were more likely to lie in an attempt to make themselves look good.

Why do we seem so attached to being inauthentic?

Scripture, our parents and our teachers admonish us to be honest and tell the truth. However, at every turn, lying and in authenticity is what is modeled to us. Feldman asserts, "We teach our children that honesty is the best policy, but we also tell them it's polite to pretend they like a birthday gift they've been given. Kids get a very mixed message regarding the practical aspects of lying, and it has an impact on how they behave as adults."

We are given excuses to lie, such as: The truth will hurt other people's feelings. We are told that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything (as if it is "nice" to lie).

Most importantly, we are taught to judge and hide away the parts of ourselves that others might not like. So, we learn to squeeze the bigness of who we are into the cramped confines of what is "acceptable" or "appropriate."

This leads to 2 main consequences. The first is that we live lives in cages of our own making, fearing who we are; but, at the same time, resenting our supposed need to hide ourselves.

The second consequence is that our relationships with those we care about are severely compromised. We are not known for who we really are, leading to isolation and loneliness - the very things, ironically, that we are seeking to prevent by masking ourselves.

How The Option Institute Can Help

At The Option Institute, we can help you to uncover the beliefs that hold you back and the fears that you may have about really being yourself. We can give you a safe, yet real-world "human laboratory" within which you can experiment with being more authentic. You can, ultimately, if you choose, build up an unshakable inner strength that will allow you to be yourself - without apology or fear.

Rather than alienating people, as some fear that authenticity does, you can learn how to build deeper, more caring, more honest relationships with those close to you.

Although some use authenticity as a "license to kill," we believe that it is truly a gift. By communicating honestly, yet with respect and caring, and by encouraging and allowing the people in your life to do the same, you only enhance and strengthen the bond between you.

We can show you how to do that - with a sense of fun and daring, but also with practical tools that you can use for a lifetime.