About Us » What People Say » Powerful Results
Powerful Results
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Conquering Chronic Fatigue
After an 11 year losing battle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I came to The Option Institute out of desperation, in hopes of just finding some peace in my life. I was ready to apply for disability, and give up my dream and my passion of working with children with special needs. Before I came to The Option Institute, every day was a struggle. I woke up more tired than I went to sleep the night before. I dragged myself through a very much shortened work day, and still would end up with only enough energy to drag myself in the door after work and go to bed by about 6 pm. Many times in the middle of my day I would end up crying. A short trip to the grocery store was enough to wipe me out. I would forget even the simplest things, and my mind seemed like it was in a fog much of the time. I felt like I was in a living hell.
After attending my very first Option Institute week-long program, I was able to climb the mountain on the property, attended classes, went out to eat, went swimming and woke up rested and relaxed for the first time in years. Within the year, I came back and attended the CouplesCourse program with my husband, and then completed The Grand Summer Sequence. The emotional and physical changes I have experienced and continue to experience each day of my life are nothing short of miraculous. I am fully recovered from an illness many experts consider incurable. During Grand Summer Sequence program, I shoveled rocks and moved logs for 6 hours in a day. I worked community projects every day, and worked as hard as all my classmates. At the end of these days, I was still able to enjoy a night of talking with classmates, walking, and enjoying the Institute and its surroundings. I went dancing with friends. I took trips to visit relatives. I attended every class, and even avoided a cold that was going around!
Now, I work a 40-plus hour week at my dream job helping children with special needs, and still have plenty of energy left with
which to enjoy my life. I am pursuing physical activities, such as hiking, biking, and kayaking, and enjoying every wonderful
thing my body and mind can do. I have tried just about every other treatment out there for Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction
Syndrome, and I believe that The Option Institute has been the best investment of my time and energy and the results speak for
themselves. I have my health and my life back, thanks to the tools I have learned. I know I possess the ability to overcome any
challenge that may come along, live any dream I can dream up, and I will do it with strength, energy, and excitement.
Ellen Stanley, 37, Manager/Developmental Therapists, Maine
Letting Go of Anxiety
For more than 10 years prior to coming to The Option Institute, I lived with tremendous anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of change. I became involved with numerous methods of self-exploration and personal growth; I explored yoga, meditation, spiritual practices and psychotherapy, just to name a few. Each was helpful in its own way, yet I remained worried, irritable, depressed, and I lacked confidence. I constantly felt that I was missing out on the best of what life had to offer and that I was holding back the best of what I had to offer others. I had the fantasy that when I died, my epitaph would read, 'He had great potential.' Despite every method I tried, I couldn't find the key to help me break out of my self-imposed prison.
Initially, I came to The Option Institute because of my autistic son. I was reluctant, skeptical and judgmental about what I saw in the brochure. I was in so much pain, however, and I really wanted a breakthrough. I read Happiness Is A Choice and other books by Barry Neil Kaufman and listened to all of the CD’s. I was fascinated and stimulated by his approach, but I kept my distance by engaging only on an intellectual level, my usual cautious approach.
My breakthrough came six months later during the Optimal Self-Trust program. The depth and power of the group process was unlike anything I had ever experienced. The environment of unconditional love and acceptance was extremely palpable. Placing my reservations aside, I opened myself fully and participated from my heart in addition to my head. I began to access a place of inner knowing that I had cut myself off from early in my life. This led directly to the realization that I wanted to leave my job at a large HMO/clinic, and start my own practice. I put the tools of becoming a 'Force of NatureTM' into practice, and soon easily and painlessly created something for myself I never thought possible. My happiness and joy increased dramatically because I finally followed my wants and believed in myself.
This spring I gave myself the gift of a week with my wife at the CouplesCourse. I have become more loving, more playful and more truly myself in the largest sense. Since then I have taken other programs, including the amazing Calm Amid Chaos recently, and I am steadily moving in the direction of my dreams, knowing that I can change my course or my experience at any time. I went from hopeless to empowered, and from paralyzed to energized! Thank you Option Institute!
Phil Lomas, 46, Psychiatrist, Wisconsin
New Tools to Face Life's Challenges
Without a doubt, this past year was the most difficult year I've experienced in my life. The woman I wanted to marry left me; I was in the middle of a career change; my uncle died; and my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I came to The Option Institute confused and searching for new ways to deal with everything that was happening.
In the fall, I signed up for two programs at the Institute: Fast-Track Changes (formerly Happiness Is A Choice). It was two weeks of meditation and mindfulness unlike any therapy I'd experienced. When I was at the Institute, there were absolutely no labels attached to me because of my problems, nor definitions nor diagnoses that concluded I had a problem.
The most beneficial aspect of the Institute's programs is the message that there are no right answers. The only right answers are the answers that you have for yourself. The atmosphere in the classroom was a kind of jovial otherworldliness-the camaraderie was amazing!
The Option Institute provided me with simple tools that helped me look at my life in a very new light. The most profound lesson I took from the programs is the realization that there is always a choice. Once you understand the simple but valuable lesson-we can view events as a blessing or a curse-we can then make the internal choice of happiness, leaving the external choice not so difficult to make.
My experience at The Option Institute has been one of the best gifts I've given to myself. In a sense, it started me on a spiritual journey, a journey to become more human. My mother is still battling cancer, and I have chosen to see it as a blessing, to make each moment count and be present in each moment, both with her and the rest of my family.
I am doing incredibly well in a new career and am enjoying my single status. I've learned to let go of the past and concentrate on the good things in my life-there are only the infinite possibilities of the present for me. The 'what ifs' no longer exist.
Tim Suh, 34, Information Technology Consultant, Illinois
Building Valuable Team Consensus
In my work as director of I.T. for a large multinational corporation, I was having a problem with my managers making decisions that benefited their own units at the expense of overall corporate goals. I spent lots of timeexplaining the importance of the overall goals and they would express their support andagreement. But then a situation would come up, and again they would make decisions to the contrary in "this one case." This one case was almost all the time. This would lead to my lecturing and debating, not solving the problem.
After taking courses at Option such as Empowering Yourself and Radical Authenticity, I began to realize things about my own behavior. While watching the teachers talking with students about their beliefs, I often assumed I knew what the students were going to say and was surprised when I was dead wrong. Through my work at Option, I realized I could be a much more effective manager if I applied the Option approach of listening in a non-judgmental, accepting manner. I did not believe these qualities would work in a business environment. Nevertheless, I decided to try it.
In meetings, it was difficult for me to break my own pattern of behavior. I developed a private technique of pushing my chair back from the table to remind myself that I wanted to behave differently. Then I would simply ask questions about their decisions being careful to listen and not make judgments. The results were amazing. They began to discover for themselves what they believed wasn't true. They discovered new approaches that worked to meet everyone's goal. Eventually meetings became much more productive through this process of listening more to each other and exploring the group's beliefs together. This approach has enabled us to build team consensus beyond what I would have thought possible!
Susan Martin, , Director of I.T., New York
Taking Your Career to Whole New Levels
I've always been a top performer at work, but since learning and applying the Option Process, I've taken my career to whole new levels. In particular, I've worked through my fears of making mistakes, looking stupid, addressing conflict and getting laid off. This has enabled me to get in touch with what I really want from work, which is to make as big a difference as I can while having fun and providing for my family. I now make decisions quickly, raise the issues that need to get raised (in a helpful and not angry way), get input from others rather than try to produce the "perfect" finished solution myself, and am open about my mistakes so everyone can learn from them.. As a result I'm contributing more to the bottom line than ever before, and my manager and colleagues have noticed. At my recent performance review, my manager told me to pick whatever career path I want and he and the senior management team would support it. Thank you Option Institute for giving me the tools to release the best version of me I can be!
Jon Hillegeist, , Workforce Development & Organizational Effectiveness, Connecticut
Leadership and Team Building Drives Success
The reason I came to The Option Institute was to learn the techniques to help my son emerge from his world of Autism. Now after more than four years of practicing The Option Process, my son is ready to emerge from his exclusive world and I have discovered a secret formula to grow our business.
I was a confident, goal oriented, high-energy entrepreneur. I thought I didn't need much help, but little did I know. When I began employing The Option Process Dialogue, my awareness expanded: how to be present, how to connect with others, and how to empower the people around me. This led to wonderful growth in my company that develops and sells personal care products. I began to lead my organization more effectively. My energy became more focused, and my mind remained calm and able to respond to new challenges with quiet precision. My whole team noticed the changes and I decided to share The Option Process with my employees.
Our training seminar on The Dialogue Process provided an Aha! moment for the team. We were able to synchronize our intentions of increased success in daily business. The results speak for themselves; business is expanding and the team is working together in amazing harmony.
Wei Brian, , Entrepreneur, Pennsylvania
Learning to Love My Body
I used to think I was fat and unattractive, and I was unhappy about not being in a love relationship. These things felt like the end of the world to me and I would cry about them. Then I came to The Option Institute and the entire way I saw the world changed. I realized that judging myself and complaining wasn’t changing anything so I had to look at myself differently. I have since come to love every inch of my body and feel really good about being alone. I’m also looking forward to the possibility of having a fantastic, sustainable love relationship! I am finally ready. Thank you.
Abby Rappaport, 30, Son-Rise Program® Child Facilitato, Israel
Not Afraid of Myself Anymore
Ever since I was a little girl I believed that my accomplishments defined me. I felt there were eyes looking at me to see if I was doing my best. It was a pressure-packed existence with a very hollow core. I didn’t know how faulty my operating system was until I discovered that my sister had been involved with my ex-husband before we divorced. I felt betrayed and very much a victim. I couldn’t work harder to fix this problem or control what people would think. Although I tried, I made myself sick and ‘needed’ antidepressant medication. As I came up the driveway for my first program, I read the sign, 'A Place for Miracles', and thought, 'I could certainly use one.' It is not an exaggeration to say that The Option Institute saved my life. I am not afraid of myself anymore. I breathe lighter. I am more powerful and calmer at the same time. The Option Institute truly is 'A Place for Miracles'.
Lois Atherton, 46, Museum Director, Massachusetts
Loss of a Child
I attended my first weekend program at The Option Institute and what a difference those few days made in my life!
I learned that I could choose to be happy and loving no matter what was happening around me.
Most importantly, the skills I learned at The Option Institute helped to prepare me for what was just
around the corner. Less than a year after going to The Option Institute, my 22-year-old son, Kevin,
died in an avalanche while skiing in the Colorado wilderness.
From the moment I heard the news, I was able to choose to see his death, not as some
horrible tragedy, but as the exquisite completion of his beautiful life. A surprise and
a huge challenge, yes, but I chose to focus on being grateful for the amazing gift of
this child in my life, to say a peaceful 'yes' to his death as I had said an exuberant 'yes' to his life.
In the challenging months that followed, I relied on what I had learned at the Institute
to continually explore the beliefs I held about life and death, grief and loss, love and sadness,
to help myself continue to say YES and THANK YOU!
I attended the 8 week The Grand Summer Sequence. It continues to be one of the most profound
experiences of my life, allowing me to be more self-accepting and grateful for who I am and how
I interact with the world. I am sometimes amazed at my capacity to choose happiness! And I find myself incredibly more effective and powerful in my relationships and my work.
I also attended the Optimal Self-Trust program and Wide Awake. My goal was to deepen my capacity to trust myself, to get clear about what's next for me. I began to create a vision for myself, something I hadn't been willing to do since my son died, and to be excited about my future. I came away feeling so grounded and powerful, ready to be A Force of Nature™ again! Miracles are indeed possible.
Kathleen Joyce, 58, Educator, Minnesota
Enjoying Life Despite Illness
About 3 years ago my daughter set up a Son-Rise Program® for her younger son, who had been diagnosed with autism. This was my introduction to The Option Institute and a philosophy that has not only sown the seeds of hope and possibility for my grandson, but has created new horizons in my own life. As I played with my grandson and observed him relish his world with abandon, supreme focus and an enviable zest for enjoyment, I knew there was more in store for me! I too focused for the first time in my life on my own happiness rather than trying to keep others happy, or keeping myself miserable as I had done in six years of psychoanalysis! This was something rather unusual for a 75 year-old retired doctor, just-divorced for the second time and facing a chronic and debilitating illness. Somehow it seemed easy to maintain a state of bliss cushioned with my grandson in his playroom. So I came to the Institute for the two programs, including Empowering Yourself, with some degree of cynicism that I could really achieve similar goals for myself in the real world. Even though my advances with myself have been slow, they have been lasting and empowering, and I continue to grow and change, despite facing new challenges in my life. Instead of achieving, I now engage and enjoy. Instead of judging, I now love and connect. Instead of looking for answers outside myself, I now tap my own wisdom and experience. Instead of finding faults, I celebrate strengths. Instead of lamenting the past, I now look to the future for solutions.
My health has recently deteriorated, and at first I felt quite depressed and alone in my physical pain. However, I recall with great excitement my time at the Institute as a way of calling forth all my inner reserves and comfort and focusing my energy on my healing, rather than my illness. I am excited to be here, alive and living each moment to its utmost possibility. Thank you, my dear friends at the Institute, for helping me embrace my life rather than struggle against it.
Aziz Kazi, 81, Retired Medical Doctor, United Kingdom
Saving Our Business
I'm 43 years old, been married for 26 years, have 7 children from ages 10 to 25 and have, for the last 33 years, led exactly the life my mother wanted me to. When I had my twins, 10 years ago, I awakened to the realization that there was a lot of life I hadn't experienced. Life with 7 children from age one to 14 was too much – and not enough – at the same time. In 4 years I grew into a depression that was incredibly lonely and painful.
First, I read Happiness Is A Choice and To Love Is To Be Happy With. Possibilities began to appear. Then my husband and I attended the Happiness Option Weekend and then a year later we both did the 8-week Grand Summer Sequence, followed ultimately by Wide Awake. Life? It’s now exciting, fun, challenging, fun, rewarding and did I mention – fun?
It didn't change what I do: I'm still a mother and do all the things moms do; I'm still a wife and a business owner; I do the same things I did before attending The Option Institute, but now feel differently about what I do. I learned not to judge myself or others. I feel joy in simple activities: cleaning, laundry, balancing books, running errands. I’m grateful for all the opportunities that being a wife and mother presents. I feel more alive than I ever dreamed possible.
The tools we took away from The Option Institute were crucial in our efforts to save our business. After running a moderately successful business for 10 years, we saw our business start to lose money. It went from a successful enterprise to bankrupt in an 18 month period. The bank was ready to close our doors for good, but we convinced them not to, with the insights and tools we learned at the Institute. We were clear about what we wanted and totally believed in ourselves, wasted no energy on doubts and fears – we learned this at the Institute – and trusted ourselves and never missed a night's sleep worrying.
We reduced our debts by over $120,000 in 8 months. We went to The Option Institute to learn to become more comfortable with life; we never dreamed it would save our business and our livelihood; in brief, it was the best money we ever spent. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Mary Church, 43, Mother/Business Owner, Indiana
Trusting Myself
I can still barely believe the radical change I feel in myself after only five days in Radical Authenticity! My new self-trust is so liberating and empowering. I used to cripple myself in my interactions with others, putting on a unique facade for every person and every interaction, in an attempt to be who I thought I was expected to be. Using my new powers of self-trust and authenticity I opened up to my platoon sergeant about the way we performed our duties. To my surprise, he was open to my suggestions and together we implemented many positive changes, resulting in a better workplace environment for ourselves and the soldiers we worked with every day. No more will I fear social situations or the judgments of others. Never again will I hold back my feelings for fear of repercussions. I have been so challenged to improve myself that the change in me is literally head-to-toe happiness!
Lenny Zappa, 22, Soldier, U.S. Army, Iraq/North Carolina
Rekindled Relationship With Parent
Four years ago, my relationship with my dad was extremely difficult. His history of alcoholism and abuse was such a powerful influence that I avoided close relationships. I built walls to protect me from being hurt, but the walls only kept me at a distance. I became cold and closed, too shy to allow anyone to truly love me, because, ultimately, I didn’t think I was worth loving. Through doing many dialogues at The Option Institute, I let go of my fears and trusted that I have something to offer. I realized that my dad had acted out of his own fears, and that his behavior didn’t mean I was worthless or deserved abuse. After my most recent program, Wide Awake, I decided to see my dad. The hours we spent were some of the best of my life, because I finally began the loving relationship that I craved for 20 years. I will always remember how good it felt to realize that it is never too late to love someone.
Carolina Kaiser, 26, Son-Rise Program Teacher, Massachusetts
Creating A More Successful Business
I came to The Option Institute in 1988 to learn how to use empowerment in my electronic parts business and also sent senior managers here. I then completely changed our corporate management techniques, which was instrumental to our growth over the next 7 years. I had always been a control person but learned that, if I didn’t micromanage, I got more of what I wanted. I encouraged employees to take charge of themselves and their work. As they became happier and less stressed, they made better decisions, were more invested in the business, became creative in finding solutions, and worked more effectively with clients. Though I sold the company, the lessons I learned have been applicable every day of my life. My wife, daughters and several friends have also come to the Institute and, 16 years later, I’m still taking programs.
Dave Tully, 60, Investor/Consultant, Massachusetts
Blossoming Into A Happy Person
Sometime during my life I lost myself and my way. Personally and professionally, I was not who I wanted to be. I stayed in a job because I was afraid to leave, and I poured myself out trying to make my husband happy. I had pulled back and shut down, not sure where to go—but certain I didn’t want to stay where I was. The Option Institute changed my life. In this environment of absolute love, I blossomed, grew and sloughed off old ways of thinking. I emerged strong, confident, happy, open-hearted, and alive! Thank you for giving me my life back.
Therese Leboffe, 50, Marketing Consultant, Massachusetts
Getting Off Prozac
I have suffered from depression for the last 17 years. For a long time, I thought Prozac was the only solution. I struggled with feelings and judgments of my own self-worth and what I believed I could and couldn’t have. I questioned my role as a mother, a woman, and an African-American, all because I believed that I was stuck with my life and my past and there was little I could do to change it. All the while I was having this internal struggle, I was dealing with the very real illness of my only son, Chris, who was diagnosed with AIDS.
I heard about The Option Institute from a dear friend of mine around the same time I got the news that Chris was dying. Chris had decided to stop taking his medication and allow himself to die. My friend and I had taken seminars together for the past 20 years, so I agreed to join him at The Option Institute for a one week program.
When we arrived at the Institute, it was only 4 months since Chris’s death. I was ready for anything.
The program completely changed how I look at my life. When the teachers talked about how we define reality, I finally understood that we are always choosing how we respond to the events in life and, in that way, we are always making up our own reality through those choices. What a breakthrough that was! I realized that I didn’t have to accept that I would be depressed for the rest of my life and that I could choose to live in the moment instead of the past.
I also realized that Chris’s choice to stop taking his medication was his choice and Chris’s life was his life. Understanding that finally gave me the freedom to accept his illness and his death in a way that 10 years of therapy had not. Not only could Chris rest in peace, but now so could I. I was finally free to live my life as I chose.
As African-Americans, we have blamed history and events for a lot of things. I have always thought we could instead use that same energy to change our destiny. Before I may have felt unworthy to pursue that goal, but, after attending the program, I realized that I could truly make a difference as a human being and I could impact my race without being Dr. Martin Luther King. The work I could do would be important, too.
I enrolled in The Grand Summer Sequence, 2 weeks after my first program. I’m excited about bringing the principles and
technology of The Option Process back to the African- American community in any way I can. Today my life is filled with more challenges that I look forward to and a new anticipation of living life on the edge – because a life isn’t a life unless you live it, moment to moment. The most amazing thing is that I no longer feel depressed about my past or my future.
Linda Craft-Smith, 53, Party Planning Director, California
Truly Being Myself
After 20 years of hard work, I had a beautiful wife, 3 wonderful kids, and great success in business. I was living the ‘American Dream’ and I was miserable.
Although excellence and accomplishment bought me acceptance in business, it did nothing for me personally. With each new achievement, I simply raised the bar higher. Instead of growing in happiness, I grew in intolerance, never accepting anything less than perfection. Everything came to a head when my mom had a stroke and the doctors said she only had a few weeks to live.
A colleague gave me a copy of Happiness Is A Choice and the Option 12 Lecture CD Series I devoured the book as though it had been written just for me. I listened to the tapes over and over, sometimes sitting in my car for hours reveling in the insights and peace I would find from trading in old beliefs that were no longer useful to me. Although I knew nothing of The Option Institute at the time, I found this process remarkably effective.
At my company, we conducted an executive offsite meeting facilitated by one of The Option Institute’s teachers. In no time at all, we delved deeply into issues that had kept us from functioning well as a team. Several of the executives shared openly how they were angry with me and fed up with my intolerance of them. I'd never seen anything that cut so quickly to the core and established an environment where they could be addressed positively and creatively.
I then attended Radical Authenticity and realized I was lying all the time to protect myself or others. I finally found peace by simply being my true authentic self, without playing roles. Our executive team now practices authenticity as a core operating principle. Conflicts are no longer issues to be avoided, but opportunities to learn so they never fester and grow.
The Option Institute has helped me in all aspects of my life by allowing me to be a congruent person in all situations. Challenges are always coming, but I take them effortlessly without anxiety. By freeing myself from the need to accomplish, I’ve accomplished more with even greater passion and competence. I’m taking The Grand Summer Sequence this summer.
I’m done living the American Dream; I’m now living my own dream!
Mark Tuomenoksa, 45, Business Owner, Massachusetts
Triumph Over Anorexia
In 2000, I made the decision to stop being anorexic in an instant – and I have been eating ever since. That transformation happened at The Option Institute.
I started down the path to anorexia 8 years ago. My mother had a stroke and my father had developed diabetes
and was about to have triple bypass surgery. I saw this as my own future and it scared me. I decided to
exercise and eat healthfully. Although I wasn’t dieting, I lost 12 pounds. Over the next 6 years, I would
periodically lose my appetite and drop a few pounds. Once the weight was gone, I didn’t want it back. I felt
powerful for being able to lose weight – something most people want but never achieve. My body was the only
area of my life where I felt completely in control. In the midst of enormous fear combined with a desperate attempt to feel good about myself, I turned to food restricting and exercise.
Every thought during every minute of every day revolved around food. Despite nagging hunger, I hardly allowed anything to pass
my lips. I was so debilitated that just standing up or walking up stairs took all my energy. When I sat in chairs, it felt like
my bones were being crushed. At 95 pounds, 5’ 7” tall, I went into the hospital, but despite the treatment, I wasn’t recovering.
I was damaging myself through anorexia, but I was absolutely terrified to give it up at the same time. I knew all I had to do was put
food in my mouth – hardly a challenge for most people – and yet I couldn’t fathom how that would become okay for me. It wasn’t even
okay for me to chew a piece of gum because I didn’t want the 5 calories.
The turning point came for me when someone in my support group recommended the book, Happiness Is a Choice. This book changed my life. The ideas in it seemed wondrous and earth-shattering, yet obvious and attainable at the same time. I decided that taking a program at The Option Institute was my best and only hope for recovery.
In the summer of 2000, I took Grand Summer Sequence. During that time, my decision to eat again came during an Option Process® Dialogue I had with Bears.
Previously, anorexia hadn’t felt like a choice. I was so obsessed and compulsive that it seemed to overtake me. But at the Institute, I latched onto the concept that anorexia was a choice, not an illness or chemical imbalance.
Ultimately, the most significant piece that helped me recover was the attitude of acceptance. In the dialogue, Bears didn’t seem to see my anorexia as bad, wrong, or even sad. I had never experienced anything like that before, and it blew me away.
Since then, there has never been a question of going back to anorexia. During Grand Summer Sequence, I learned many other ways to feel good about myself and effective tools for handling challenges. I haven’t been to a doctor, therapist, or nutritionist since coming here. I gained 30-plus pounds and stopped exercising compulsively. I am healthy.
After my life-altering experience with the dialogue, I could think of no better thing to do than train to be an Option Process® Mentor/Counselor. I was certified in October 2001; and, at graduation, my father, who is a surgeon by training and a skeptic by nature, told Bears, ‘I want to thank you and this place for saving my daughter’s life.’ Since becoming a mentor, I have been witness to others making wondrous changes for themselves. It is a most precious gift.
I want to thank this amazing place for saving my life and for teaching me how to help others in such a profound and meaningful way. The Option Institute is a special, special place. Thank you!
Abigail Lipson, 33, Counselor, Massachusetts
Giving Up Grief
They say that the inseparable bond between a mother and her child begins at conception, but I know from my own past experiences that this bond forms long before. I have had six miscarriages. In recent years, each moment leading up to Mother's Day would agonizingly tear at my heart. I so desperately wanted to be a mother, to have a family, to receive a Mother's Day card; the ache in my heart was unbearable. I hid the searing pain of my sadness behind a protective wall of staid composure and a hopeless acceptance in the will of God. Not even my husband knew the depth of my longing. In our mutual grief, there was an inexpressible loneliness and silence that made any attempt at a shared journey nearly impossible. I had read books by Barry Neil Kaufman and been on The Option Institute's mailing list for years. I finally found myself at The Option Institute participating in a program called Optimal Self-Trust. To my shock and eventual gratitude, the program exposed my wounded heart and paved a path to true healing! I had originally come to learn how to trust myself in my work as a grief counselor and find new ways to help others find a way to heal their hearts. Instead, I learned that I had not really healed my sorrows at all, but merely suppressed a longing to be a mother, rationalizing why mine was an acceptable situation.
I suddenly understood that being or not being a mother did not make me more or less of a person. Only my beliefs have this power. My new beliefs have released me to live my life as an expansive soul, galvanized by my mission to make my dream of motherhood a reality.
I now know that every time anyone makes a judgment, he or she experiences a debilitating contraction of the soul - I had absolutely been living with a contracted soul, fearful of reaching for what I really wanted. My own judgments ('I'm too old,' 'I don't have the right,' 'If I fail again, I will die') had sealed my fate, making a seventh attempt at having a child a daunting, fearful and next-to-impossible prospect.
This Mother's Day, I did receive a card - from my husband - who, of his own volition, has likewise made a shift in consciousness. To my amazement, he asked if I would like to try having another baby - this from a man who, a year ago, refused to discuss such a notion. My life has changed! To The Option Institute and to Bears, I say a profound thank you!
Olivia Israel, 47, Grief Counselor, California
Illness Doesn't Define Me
The Option Institute was the light at the end of the tunnel! Out of the darkness I found my way to the Institute.
I didn't know what I was looking for, but I prayed it was there. What I learned at the Institute was that the light
wasn't 'out there'. It was always inside of me!
But why was the light so dim? I was an unhappy and insecure young woman when I arrived at the gates of the Institute. Having been diagnosed with a chronic illness, systemic lupus erythematosus, two years before, I was digging in for a long life as an invalid. I made invalid mean in-valid. Judging the disease, I told myself I couldn't and shouldn't run, jump, hike or play out of fear of complicating my illness. I was afraid I'd be a liability and others wouldn't want me around. I didn't allow myself to do new things or meet new people. I defined myself through my disease.
At the Institute, I learned about definitions and limits. To my amazement, I discovered the lupus didn't define me.
I defined the lupus and I could redefine it.
The staff at the Institute helped me identify beliefs that were nothing but obstacles. They helped me to understand these beliefs and why I held them. The attitude of acceptance at the Institute was crucial to my recovery. Nobody judged me even when I judged myself. They taught me that it was okay to ask for help.
Sometimes I don't know who that pre-Option person was! When I recall the things I kept myself from and the opportunities I let pass by, I shudder. Today, I take advantage of every opportunity that appeals to me. I run, jump, hike and travel. I no longer worry about being ill or imagine that people will judge me for whatever limitations they see.
During the Fast-Track Personal Change and Grand Summer Sequence programs, I developed new life skills. My lupus didn't go into remission and sometimes it's more difficult than when I started this journey. What has changed is how I judge it and what it means.
How to live and love to the fullest, how not to be afraid–these were the important lessons to learn and have had a big impact on me. Traveling through the tunnel was scary, but the light I found at the end of the tunnel was worth the journey. Thank you Bears, Samahria, and everyone at The Option Institute. I am eternally grateful.
Dotty (Dorothy) Andrews, 29, Financial Manager, New York
Attitude Shift Results In Promotion
I am writing to share some exciting news. For the past 12 years, I have been employed as a manager for a fine jewelry store chain. While attending an Option Institute program about fifteen months ago, I created a new belief-that I can find a way to be successful at anything. Additionally, I learned how to focus on being more present in my job as a manager, as the best way to honor myself and my commitment to my employer.
Three months ago, at a company-wide managers meeting, I received four of the five awards that were passed out. One of these was Manager of the Year, which is viewed as the company's most prestigious award. As was explained by the Vice President of Operations, this year was the first time in the company's 83 year history that the selection was not strictly based upon sales performance. It was also based upon 'remarkable change readily visible and apparent' to the public and the company alike within my store…a change of attitude that has been 'so penetrating and profound' that, as a direct result, sales have risen dramatically. Then, just this week, I was promoted to a larger store with a sizable raise. With other recent raises, I have increased my income by 50% within the past five months! What an affirmation of the changes I made during the program I attended last year. Thank you.
Peter Abel, 48, Store Manager, New York
Relief From Stress
I attended The Grand Summer Sequence program. I'm a college student. I needed to decide on a major for school, and what I learned in the program helped me do that. Before the program I had been hesitant, but during my time at the Institute I was able to say to myself, 'Pick something you're excited about and go with it. Whatever you choose is going to be fine.' The programs really helped me to feel okay about where I'm going in my life. The two biggest learnings I've taken away from my summer were being more caring, loving and accepting, and being more grateful for what I have. Those two things automatically make me a more enjoyable person. Essentially, I have a new sense of well-being.
The insights I gained help me in so many ways throughout the day. I used to be very concerned about doing things the 'right way.' Now, I focus on enjoying what I'm doing, no matter what it is. I don't get as stressed out or worried. I work to make things happen, but without thinking there must be something wrong with me if things don't go a certain way. Wow, what a relief! I'm just an incremental type of guy, steady as she goes. There are many moments during the day when what I was taught at The Option Institute clicks in and becomes useful. It's like a web of ideas and beliefs inside me, all interconnected. I don't second-guess myself as much in so many situations, and I judge myself far, far less in my relationships. That's made my life so much more enjoyable and given me a better state of mind!
Forrest Skriletz, 30, College Student, Virginia
Letting Go of Depression & Anxiety
I was 52, a divorced single mother of 2 adult children, executive director of a nonprofit agency, board president of my church, in a long-term love relationship, had many loving friends and led workshops and classes in my spare time. My life appeared busy and purposeful; those who knew me saw an exciting, inspiring and happy woman. This was only half the picture. I had been suffering from severe depression and anxiety for the past year and a half, was taking medication, couldn't get out of the bed in the morning and most days sat at my desk unable to move or think. My happy and successful exterior barely covered the truth of my being; the daughter of a physically abusive father, a cancer survivor and the mother of a depressed, suicidal daughter. The immense pain I had hidden for years would no longer stay concealed.
God delivered The Option Institute to my door in the form of an article by Barry Neil Kaufman. His words broke through the walls surrounding my heart. I called for the video and catalog, memorizing both! The real-life stories in the catalog gave me hope that even I would find this a 'Place for Miracles.' I then made a phone call that changed my life. I signed up for Grand Summer Sequence and finally gave my heart a voice.
During Grand Summer Sequence , I made daily changes in my beliefs about myself. My new beliefs enabled me to leave a job where I worked too hard so that I could focus on taking care of myself. I left a 'love' relationship devoid of love, trust or respect, and began forging a new relationship with my children that is free of co-dependency. Most importantly, I was finally free from the burden of the past, something I hadn't been able to accomplish with therapy, meditation, prayer or reading.
Later, I returned to The Option Institute to participate in Radical Authenticity and Wide Awake. I learned that by focusing on the
things in my life that I didn't want, I was not committing to what I really wanted and that when I so often said, 'I don't know',
I really meant, 'I don't want to know.' I realized that authenticity is ALWAYS the safest way to travel and that since we're always
'making it all up,' why not make it up to be the best? I now wear no masks; I show my one true face in all relationships and situations.
I only seek relationships based on the language and actions of love.
I came to The Option Institute to save my life; if I did not change, I would have brought about my own demise. I took that chance to change and I ran with it - and I still am.
Jan-Marie Gundacker, 52, Writer/Coach, Massachusetts
No Longer Depressed
My limiting beliefs have hindered me for a major portion of my adult life. I was 27 years old when I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I was advised that my depression was either genetic, a chemical imbalance or environmental in nature. Since there is no known cure for depression, the best I could hope for was temporary relief through medication or psychotherapy.
I began to look at other possibilities such as alternative medicine and a depression support group. I moved through these experiences still holding the belief that my depression was something I would be stuck with for life. I contemplated suicide.
Then a friend gave me a copy of the interview, The Healing Power of Unconditional Love by Barry Neil Kaufman. I was so overwhelmed by its content, I purchased 2 of Bears’ books: To Love Is To Be Happy With and Happiness Is A Choice . I read, studied and absorbed their contents for 3 years, until I realized that my beliefs aren’t carved in stone and therefore can be changed anytime I choose.
What finally turned it around for me was the program, PowerDialoguesSM . I was looking for tools to help others, but found that it brought together all the learning I had assimilated from the books. I can attest that PowerDialogues is, without a doubt,
'the ultimate system for personal change.' The only way to describe my feelings is to equate them with how Bears must have felt when Raun emerged from Autism. I finally understood that I was my own best expert and it was okay to make decisions on my own – including choices about my depression.
This truly hit home for me when I returned to my support group and shared my story of recovery.
I had cured myself of depression. They responded by saying, 'You may believe you can cure yourself, but you can't.'
Well, here I stand, after nearly 40 years of depression, in defiance of the belief that you can’t change.
I have been without depression for 2 years now and I am using what I learned at The Option Institute to help others.
My story is a testament to your wonderful work. Thank you.
Brian Noakes, 65, Retired, Canada
Feeling Great About My Life
For most of my life, I have been a chameleon, ever adapting to be what I believed people wanted me to be. Being of mixed race and adopted, my issues have been around acceptance and rejection. My belief was that if I wasn’t always carefree and jolly, if I ever ‘upset’ my parents, I would be sent back to the adoption home. Oftentimes I believed it best to judge and reject myself before others got the chance. Indeed, if anything painful or horrible happened it was my fault in some way. Even when I was raped at nineteen, I kept it to myself for fear of being rejected or accused of 'asking for it.'
My deep fear of rejection resulted in great isolation, not only from others but also from myself. In the extreme, this has meant depression and flirtations with suicide. I ‘practiced’ taking overdoses and then vomiting, just so I knew that, if I ever needed to, I could swallow enough pills.
I had longed to find a way to be my true self, and to stop apologizing for being 'too much' or 'not enough.' I read Happiness Is A Choice and then embarked on the exciting adventure of Grand Summer Sequence; it felt dangerous, frightening, wild and exhilarating!
I was amazed to discover that a great deal of my beliefs about the world, others and myself were beliefs I had adopted in order to be 'acceptable.' I had been brought up to believe that wanting anything for myself was selfish and pointless and that, if I helped others achieve their desires, I might receive an indirect benefit. This meant I was dependent on others to get what I wanted. A major breakthrough for me was believing that what I want IS important and valid, for me and others.
Incredibly, during my first week of Grand Summer Sequence , my husband wrote to let me know he’d had an affair. This was a major blow for me and, of course, an opportunity to buy into my beliefs about rejection. I couldn’t have been in a better place to confront the myriad of feelings that came up for me. I received immense support and came to genuinely see that what seemed on the surface to be the worst experience of my life was actually a major opportunity, a gift. My husband, who had attended the first part of Grand Summer Sequence the previous year, joined me for the last 4 weeks. We worked hard on our relationship and ourselves and came away with a much deeper friendship. I am genuinely grateful for the upheaval that his affair caused because our relationship is the richer for it.
I now am more my true self. I am stronger and much happier. I am profoundly grateful for Grand Summer Sequence and the wonderful teachers and friends at The Option Institute. I AM a happy, loving, sincere person now, but also REAL and my care of others is born of genuine love rather than fear of rejection. I witness daily the benefits of Grand Summer Sequence and see that our children, friends and family are experiencing these benefits as well. I can triumphantly declare that I don’t experience or even believe in rejection anymore because I no longer reject myself. I feel empowered, strong and very much worth knowing, because I AM ME. Thank you so much.
Nimmy Burke, 39, Actor, England
Eating Disorders - A Thing of the Past
From the time I was 12, every time I looked in the mirror I hated my body. My reflection in the mirror only exposed garish imperfections: extra skin here, fat cells there . . . I scrutinized my face every morning, certain that I was developing a double chin. I felt isolated and awkward at school and with my family. I directed my uneasiness and distress towards my body, telling myself I only needed to lose another 10 pounds in order to feel good. Ashamed to admit my physical ‘flaws,’ I hid my misery from my friends and family, thoroughly convinced that my weight was the source of my unhappiness.
From middle school and into college, I experimented with anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and compulsive eating. One afternoon, in the spring of my freshman year in college, my therapist mentioned a place called The Option Institute, where people went to change their beliefs. I had never heard of the Institute or even thought of attending a personal growth program but, willing to try anything to overcome my obsession with food and weight, I logged online and found the website. By the next day, I had registered for The Happiness Option Weekend . When I arrived for the introductory weekend, I hadn't told any of my friends and family that I had signed up for the program, and I had no idea what to expect. After 3 hours of class on Thursday night, I was blown away. For the first time in my life, I found myself in an environment where I felt safe bringing forth all of the ‘shameful’ eating disorder secrets that I so closely guarded. I felt incredibly supported by the teaching staff and the other participants. Whereas I had spent my entire life feeling disconnected from others, for the first time, I felt connected to an amazing group of open and accepting people. With the powerful group dynamics and the awareness I gained by questioning my beliefs, I learned to challenge the idea that there was something awful about my body or me.
I spent 8 weeks last summer at The Option Institute in Grand Summer Sequence program. With each day, I grew more and more amazed by the dedicated teaching staff and the other incredible participants who became my extended family. Finally I began to put my doubts into perspective. I continued to examine my self-defeating beliefs and turn them around, which made a huge difference in enabling me to finally feel comfortable with my body.
As I learned to accept my body and love myself, I also discovered the wonder of loving and accepting others. What began as an attempt to 'fix' an eating disorder has developed into a radically different way of thinking and being. I have become confident, enthusiastic and easygoing. Even if I find myself overeating or judging my body, I know that I can choose to change, to be happy and trust that there is always something to learn from and to change any experience. The Option Institute programs have truly revolutionized the way I see myself, leading to new relationships with food, people and everything else. I look forward to each new adventure in my life, certain that no matter what happens, I will laugh a lot, learn a lot and love a lot of people.
Sandra Gordon, 19, Student, Illinois
Developing Self Confidence
I’ve stuttered since I was 8 years old. I’m what is known as a closet stutterer. Many people didn’t even know I stuttered – even my own siblings. The problem was that my life revolved around keeping it a secret. I even experienced panic attacks if I was close to a situation where there was ‘no way out,’ where I might stutter in front of people. When I was 45 years old, I took the first step and went to the American Institute of Stuttering, run by Catherine Montgomery. I learned a great many things about stuttering I never knew. I learned I could accept myself and it was okay to stutter. Catherine suggested The Option Institute as a wonderful place to go for courses, but I didn’t realize that much of her perspective and what she taught us came from what she herself had learned at The Option Institute.
A year later, when my wife wanted a separation, I decided it was time to visit The Option Institute myself. The first course I attended was Happiness Option Weekend. What a great introduction to The Option Process® and the Fast-Track Personal Change! Could I really just choose to be happy? It was so simple. I still found myself feeling down about some things, but now I didn’t beat myself up for it. What a gift that was! And now I could even see the gift in our separation. A heavy weight lifted from my shoulders because it was all in what I decided to believe.
I then returned for Empowering Yourself. Things really started to click during that week. I realized I didn’t have to depend on someone else’s approval for what I said or did. I learned that I could care about other people as I always did – and STILL have my own wants. I can express compassion for someone who is unhappy without being unhappy myself.
The week after Empowering Yourself, I found out I had to travel and give a presentation in front of a large group. In the past, I just wouldn't have done it. I'd never put myself in a situation where I would normally feel like running away. What was so amazing was the feeling I had before giving the presentation. I wanted to do well, but I decided I didn't NEED to. Making that choice changed my entire focus. Instead of pushing away all the negative feelings that I would normally have in this situation, I embraced them, which added passion and energy to my presentation! Instead of worrying how I would sound, I concentrated on what I was saying. It turned out wonderfully, and I didn’t stutter once.
Each time I attend programs at The Option Institute, I peel away layers of beliefs that hold me back. I’m about to attend Grand Summer Sequence I'm looking forward to peeling away even more!
Sid Diamond, 47, Computer Consultant, Maryland
Being Successful
I am writing to share some exciting news. For the past 12 years, I have been employed as a manager for a fine jewelry store chain. While attending an Option Institute program about fifteen months ago, I created a new belief-that I can find a way to be successful at anything. Additionally, I learned how to focus on being more present in my job as a manager, as the best way to honor myself and my commitment to my employer.
Three months ago, at a company-wide managers meeting, I received four of the five awards that were passed out. One of these was Manager of the Year, which is viewed as the company's most prestigious award. As was explained by the Vice President of Operations, this year was the first time in the company's 83 year history that the selection was not strictly based upon sales performance. It was also based upon 'remarkable change readily visible and apparent' to the public and the company alike within my store…a change of attitude that has been 'so penetrating and profound' that, as a direct result, sales have risen dramatically. Then, just this week, I was promoted to a larger store with a sizable raise. With other recent raises, I have increased my income by 50% within the past five months! What an affirmation of the changes I made during the program I attended last year. Thank you.
Peter Abel, 48, Store Manager, New York
The Option Institute International Learning and Training Center is a not-for-profit personal growth organization founded in 1983 by best- selling authors Barry Neil Kaufman and Samahria Lyte Kaufman....