June 17, 2015

Learning Self Esteem and Happiness

Hi Bears,

I want to send you a letter of gratitude. Gratitude for so many things: for being you; for being you in the BIG way you are you in the world — so that I have a role model; for marrying Samahria — so that I have her to love and for a role model; for having Raun, “my favorite teacher” (he knows what that means); for starting and continuing The Option Institute — which I know is just for me; for the fabulous staff at Option — each of whom I know are there just for me; for each of the courses I have taken, and sometimes taken twice; and especially for the Mentor Certification Training Course — which is also just for me. I AM SO GRATEFUL!

When I say that each of these things and people are there just for me, I’m only joking a very little. I really feel that it all was started so that I could avail myself of the healing and restructuring of myself that I have gotten for myself. Some people might call that an egocentric point of view; I call it a grateful point of view!

My month at Mentor Training at The Option Institute was fabulous beyond belief and I would highly recommend it for anyone who wants the opportunity to grow themselves bigger— as well as further develop their mentoring skills. I feel so profoundly solid inside myself and I am so grateful. I no longer want or need to take care of myself by “feeding the wolves” of depression, not smart enough,victim/helpless, the world isn’t safe, confusion, blame, something is wrong with me or inauthenticity. I “feed the wolves” of happiness, self esteem, gratitude, love, acceptance and authenticity. I now feel like the person I “was meant to be”: strong, capable, happy, accepting and authentic. The Mentor Training month helped me solidify these qualities as well as theclarity of exactly how to stop feeding the former wolves and to only feedthe latter wolves (it wasn’t automatic- at first I only fed those former wolves a little, then I just patted them frequently and then I set up a “petting zoo” for them so someone else would take care of them and I’d know where they were in case I just wanted to give them a little pat, and then finally I took down the petting zoo and freed the wolves completely — God knows there are enough people who are doing unhappiness and the many forms of victim/helpless who can provide the wolves with their care and feeding). NOT ME! I AM SO GRATEFUL!

I came home a different person in some profound ways. I no longer NEED a relationship with Ted or with Bronwyn. I realize now that I have always needed those two relationships and therefore I was unable to be completely authentic with either of them. I am now authentic in every relationship;and, as you have always said, there are consequences.Bronwyn is furious with me because I’m saying what I want in my relationship with her and with her children (she’s particularly upset because I said I only want to have the kids one or two at a time, not all 4). She’s not speaking to me and seems to be motivating herself (and wanting to motivate me) with anger, annoyance and frustration. I’m thrilled to finally have freed myself to say what I want, what I think and how I feel. Ted and I are working on having a completely authentic relationship. For now it’s a bit bumpy, but it’s my belief that we will end up as best friends for the rest of our lives based on being ourselves, not on what we each think the otherwants/needs/thinks/feels.I AM SO GRATEFUL!

I realized during the month that my power is in being authentic and in myself love and self acceptance. I will not give that away to anyone for anything. I found my “Buddha Self” inside of me — being, knowing and loving and that’s where I center myself. It is rock solid. I AM SO GRATEFUL!

I hope you are well and that you had a wonderful vacation/trip wherever you were. I missed you the last week but it also was wonderful without you and

With gratitude and Big Love,

Robin McCarthy, Social Worker

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