June 17, 2015

Entrenched in Unhappiness, Finding Self Esteem

My Dear Friends:

Just twelve years ago today I decided to be happy, to make happiness a priority in my life. Just twelve years ago today I decided to stop doing depression. WOW… in only 12 years I’ve made so many, many profoundly penetrating changes. Some small, some big… none the less all with resonance and usefullness inherent.

Yet again I’ve changed based upon my involvement in the Wide Awake Program this year. After years of doing “ish” about my birthday (which is today by the way), after years of whining over my birthday, after years of sabotaging myself over my birthday, after years of my attempts to manipulate others over my birthday, after years of powerfully engaging my design to keep me deeply entrenched in unhappiness by pushing away most expression of love on my birthday, after years of self judgements all done to keep my walls of fear of intimacy and connection over my birthday strong and unbreachable… do I hear a drum roll !?!?!? YES !!! I’m over my birthday ish… The great part was that it just was a quick decision that feels firm and deep in its’ sincerity. An easy decision to be happy. I am clean and clear with my birthday… no strings of unhappiness attached in any form. Today I celebrate me and all that what may or may not come my way.

I remind myself of the lyrics of the song “PROUD” as sung by Heather Small: “I look into the window of my mind, Reflections of the fears I’ve left behind,… Realize that to question is the way to grow…. I step out of the ordinary, I can feel my soul ascending, I’m on my way, Can’t stop me now…”.

I share this with you today to thank each of you, all the other sweet Option Institute teachers and the entire staff for giving me the love and the guidance to help me grow, to help me change. I am again a better person because of all that each of you do. My heartfelt deep appreciation. with big love and a grand smile,

River, Manager, New York

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