I have been meaning to write you since I got home from Grand Summer Sequence but haven’t found the words I wanted until now. In the interim between Grand Summer Sequence and the Option Process® Mentor/Counselor Training program, I have been living at home and working long, long hours. At first I was lonely, but then I decided to turn this time into a powerful month of self-reflection and so I did. I wanted to tell you some of the thoughts that have been running through my head.
Bears, all kinds of miracles (miracle = something I would not have even FANTASIZED was possible!) have occurred since those 2 short months at The Option Institute. First of all, this deep spring of love for myself and others has grown, and it just keeps bubbling and bubbling and bubbling over. I sincerely love my boss at work, my friends, strangers on the bus…my family has been a bit more challenging, but I just keep plugging away and then I am able to flip my judgments and love them. I feel so relaxed and peaceful and serene-and this from the person who thought she would “die” of anxiety!
Another miracle is how available I have become to myself. I decided to explore spirituality when I got home and I, the professed nonbeliever, the ultimate cynic when it comes to religion, the one who groans when someone mentions God# I found God. Somehow I developed a deep conviction that God exists and God wants the best for me.
So I just started talking to God and asked for clarity and thanked Him? Her? for different things. It felt so natural. It was like this time I could approach God without the guilt I slopped on top of myself for so long. Well, two minutes later I was totally clear on what I wanted. But I was still scared about having no place to live, so I asked for help in choosing happiness and again, two minutes later I felt completely at peace. The next day I had such strong conviction that I would get the apartment that I wanted, and I remembered that when I had first read the ad for the apartment I knew, I absolutely KNEW, that I would end up living there. Well, I still don’t have the place secured yet so I will let you know if there is a change in plans! My point is, I am actually trusting myself and my “world” is so clear, so calm, so loving. Bears, I am in awe, in awe, in awe…I could never have imagined that a person could move through life in this way.
I remember you saying that all it took to make this Option Process® stuff come alive was “rubber to the road,” and I didn’t believe you. I put you on this incredible pedestal, believing you must be some kind of prodigy who just knew how to be happy. I figured if I could just pick you apart and memorize how you did it, I could choose happiness too. It is overwhelming to realize that I know how to do it too, and that I trust myself to do so.
I am reading A Miracle to Believe In, and the best analogy I can think of to describe what I learned is to say that I have created a Son-Rise Program® for myself since I got back to Chicago. My internal environment is so trusting and beautiful, and I feel like I have facilitated my “rebirth.” It seems like society (that big evil monster!) teaches us NOT to trust ourselves, but now I feel grounded in what I know and believe. As I read A Miracle to Believe In I sense the love you poured into each word (I made that up but I believe it!). I am so touched by your work, your conviction, by what you have discovered and dared to implement and teach to others… I feel so blessed to have learned all of this at 19 and it is an honor to know that in just a few weeks I will be able to join The Option Institute staff for a whole year.
Thank you for giving so much of yourself to others. It amazes me that I can sit here during my exciting job (was that sarcasm?) all the way in Chicago and tell you about my life and know that you care…
When I first left Grand Summer Sequence I wondered if I would be able to maintain the Option Process® attitude at home, remembering the long painful history of unhappiness I created for myself. What I have learned is that I just keep growing and growing and growing, and that I am the gentlest teacher to myself. Words cannot adequately express the gratitude and respect I have for what The Option Institute teaches.
Know that I am sending you my love everyday from the great Midwest!
With deep gratitude,