Your life: A suit off the rack, a suit made to your measurements or a totally custom-designed suit of your own design. We often create our life based on the beliefs, values and shoulds of others (a mixture of random beliefs "off the rack"). What about today...we clear the rack and think of one belief that we like and want to live by? We feel weird in our skin because someone else provided the glue. Love, Bears

From Angie Hooper: It's feedback season at work. Once a year, I get a sit down formal review with my boss. I love getting feedback but I didn't like it back when I started my current job. I had a bad experience with feedback as a baby lawyer* and whenever I sat down with my current boss, I'd usually start either making excuses (if the feedback was a point to change) or hysterically giggling (if the feedback was neutral or positive). This made my boss crazy, so he gave me feedback on feedback.

The strangest part to me of my giggle-reflex was that I continued to behave so nervously after so much feedback training as part of my Son-Rise Program and Option Process journey. In my Son-Rise Program, if someone has an idea of how I could be more effective, I want to know about it. Why would it be different for my job? Isn't my effort at work as valuable as my effort in the playroom? Why wouldn't I want feedback to make time at work as effective and enjoyable as possible? I'm living in a benevolent universe, so my boss did something very "Option Process" this year during my feedback. He said, "Why do you do that hysterical laughter?" I also did something very "Option Process": I answered the question. He nodded. Then he gave my feedback, and it was insightful and useful--everything one would hope feedback would be. Everything that feedback has been when I've worked with Son-Rise Program teachers. Another gift to me because of Eric's autism. I'm becoming a better parent, a more comfortable person, and now more accomplished as a professional through everything I'm learning as part of the Son-Rise Program and Option Process.

*In case you're curious, here's the story and a great example of how not to give effective feedback: one day (when I worked at a law firm) I found a brown envelope on my office chair containing a stack of handwritten reviews from every partner I'd worked with in the firm. One of them recited a litany of aspersions and ended with, "I'm sure she has some redeeming qualities, but I'm not interested in finding out what they are." Now, of course, I see the many gifts of the personal attack-disguised-as-feedback, including the nudge to get out of a situation that had run its course. (Plus, I know now that none of those insults were about me.) But I carried that brown envelope around in my head every day at work until recently.

Labels: career, Son-Rise Program

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Recently in our Calm Amid Chaos program: One Major Thesis of the "Intellgrid" which we designed as an "intelligent" grid through which to view the world (events/people/ourselves) around us is: change is continuous. The stars, mountains, rivers, our bodies, our beliefs -- the universe celebrates itself through change. Resisting change is resisting the celebration. Dive in/do your best and then let go.

Labels: Bears, Calm Amid Chaos, Change, Highlighted

From Toni: All of my in-Authenticity and Lies have built up over time, teaching people how I wanted to be treated, or so they thought! I have had so much trouble in the past trying to figure out why people would take advantage of me, have so many expectations or judgements against me... OR not listen to me when I tell them what I want. Looking back I can see that I was so fake with people. My actions and words were so different. People around me were acting with love and innocence, for the most part. It was ME that set them up to believe or think something about me that just wasn't true.

The example that sticks out in my mind, of course, is the fake orgasm. Ah yes, I think I could win an Academy Award for my acting skills in the bedroom! My first fake orgasm came long ago, early on in my relationship with my husband. It seemed like I just couldn't climax. I would introduce fun and games into the bedroom to 'make' things more exciting, but in the end I would fake an orgasm; not wanting my lover to think he was inadequate or to confess that I was having a hard time climaxing.

I see so clearly now that what he was observing was someone that was really enjoying herself! Instead of being truthful and telling him what I wanted, when it felt good, or when it didn't; I would roll my eyes in the darkness and think to myself, "Oh, God here we go again- just get it over with". I would get angry and frustrated with HIM, when all along it was ME creating my own experience. Can you imagine after ten years, not knowing the person you are married to? Even in what most would consider the most intimate part of your married life? I can imagine that would be much more difficult to chew on than just being real from the beginning. Start your new beginning!! We can do it anytime, ALL the time!

What a completely different experience it is to be honest in the bedroom :) To be in control of my own experience and giving someone else the gift of authenticity. Definetely and "orgasmic" experience!

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): We have only this moment, then the next, then the next. Our lives are not like still digital photographs but constantly fluid like fast-moving video. What appears permanent in one moment is gone the next. When we hold on tight to this situation, this relationship, this job, this state of health, when it changes, instead of changing easily with the change (seizing the opportunity of that moment), we tend to hold on tight (for dear life) - and we become brittle and break. Instead of welcoming the new landscape with flexibility and ease, we mourn the past which isn't - any longer - because the next moment, the next situation, the next relationship, the next job, the next new state of health or illness is already here. Raindrops become oceans. Mountains become valleys. Ever- changing is the beauty of our nature, of nature, of the universe around us. Our job is not only to swim in the river but be the river. Love Bears (Option Inst.)

Labels: Bears, Change

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Breakfast Discussion: Does it matter? Does it matter that you achieve what you wanted to achieve, get recognition for your accomplishments and be approved of by others? Would it be sweet? Sure. Does it matter? Ah, that's up for grabs. What... I believe matters is how you did what you did. With love? With sincerity? With authenticity? With kindness? Applause comes from the outside, divinity is within.

More on "does it matter?" If you want recognition and applause, go to the mirror and give yourself a standing ovation. That you matter to you, that you approve of you, that you know your own caring and decency...ah, that's the ballgame. And if you're not quite ready to do that because you want to change parts of yourself...do it anyway as you work on yourself. Happiness and love as a choice right now is the path to happiness and love – not judgment or self-condemnation. Go ahead, check yourself out in the mirror, give yourself a big smile and lots of love. Love, Bears (Co-Founder/Option Institute)

Labels: Bears, Clarity of Purpose, Empowerment, Happiness Is A Choice

FROM ANGIE HOOPER: Rush hour traffic crept forward as I noticed details of the car in front of me. It's bumper sticker said, I'm sorry...was it my job to fill your life with joy today? My first thought, "Hey, dude, don't be so snarky." But then my Option Process reflexes kicked into gear.

Labels: Calm Amid Chaos, Happiness, Happiness Option

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Dinner Discussion: The truth -- I suggested we do not teach the truth...only our version of what we believe (our own make-believe). All of us have our own beliefs systems -- religious, political, social, economic, interpersonal. Differing beliefs ...systems co-exist side-by-side (like Newtonian and Quantum Physics). The problem; when I think my beliefs are better than yours. Solution: drop judgments. Love, Bears

Labels: Bears

We are delighted to share with you "MOTIVATION in Autism Treatment - #3 ABA vs. The Son-Rise Program", the newest video in the playful ongoing series from the Autism Treatment Center of America of The Option Institute. As many of you know, love, respect, and MOTIVATION are the building blocks of a wonderful Son-Rise Program, as well as a wonderful extraordinary life.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy6T7FXmnJI

THANK YOU to each of you who have forwarded our previous two videos to your personal network to spread the word and a joyful THANK YOU to the many of you who have contacted us with congratulations, bravo, etc.

We would love for you to pass on this fun video about MOTIVATION to your contacts to keep the viral ball rolling and growing. Our goal is to spread the word worldwide so that every parent in every country is aware of The Son-Rise Program as a viable treatment for their child challenged by Autism. You never give up hope. Neither do we.

With enormous LOVE, respect, and thanks!

ODE TO SAMAHRIA: By Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman - Son-Rise Program Co-Originator). Complete Version.

Samahria picked me to love when she was 17. When I presented my writing and ideas with intensity, she tickled me and laughed. When I hesitated, she said "jump." When Raun became autistic, she joined him in his world (in a small bathroom) and helped us begin a three-and-a-half year journey that created a treatment revolution (The Son-Rise Program^®) for children with autism. When I suggested adopting yet another child of trauma as a way to express our gratitude for our blessings, she said "when?" When we started the Institute, she worked with me side-by-side as we created classes and curriculum as well as cleaned buildings and made beds for arriving participants. When I have written my books about our work with families and children and what we and our staff teach to adults (Option Process^®), she has been more than my sounding board but my editor and biggest fan (and co-writer of one of those books and co-screenwriter of the Son-Rise movie). When I asked her to climb down a rope ladder on an ocean-liner during a storm in order to help my dying father, she took a deep breath, pushed through her fear and lowered herself right after me into a tiny fishing boat bobbing in the icy waves off the coast of Alaska.

And, when I am tired at night after teaching, doing sessions and meeting with staff all day (just as she had done), Samahria strolls into my office where I am still working, takes my hand gently and invites me to choose life and go to sleep. We're all blessed for a multitude of reasons. Helping individuals, families and children as best we can for decades is a continuous highlight of our lives. But my greatest blessing is to be loved by my very special life-long bride and best friend and sweet mama to all our children -- she loves me like no other, inspires me to do my best and builds bridges with me to our dreams.

Labels: Bears, Happiness, Highlighted, Love, Love Relationships, Samahria

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Recently, in the Radical Authenticity program, participants explored why it is so challenging to say what they really think and feel. Inevitably, the concern was the judgments and disapproval of others (even being shunned). "If people knew who I really was, they wouldn't like me." A belief! More significant: if we are okay being alone, then we will speak our personal truth to those around us.

Labels: Bears, Judgments, Radical Authenticity

From Pessy: Recently, I had the opportunity to put to use some of the tools I had learned at The Option Institute. I went on a trip this past weekend which involved various obligations. One of my obligations involved being in a crowd of people, a very large crowd. I knew that was a challenge for me. Being amongst so many people, people whom I don't know, people who have there own agenda, people who don't go out of their way to welcome a new face, is not necessarily one of my favorite things to do. My memories of past experiences in that type of situation are not so pleasant. I would probably prefer to be anywhere except in such a large crowd of people. Nevertheless, this was part of the responsibilities I had agreed to.

So, I chose to try something new. I decided that I was going to really enjoy myself amongst the crowd. I decided I would walk into the crowd of people as if the room we were sharing was my room, my home. I decided to behave like anything but a stranger.

The day arrived to put my decisions into action. I put a smile on my face, (from the inside out), confident with my decision to belong. I had already begun to feel a significant amount of comfort. The nerves were gone. I felt excited. I felt curious to see what would happen, what I would make happen. I enetered the crowded room. I walked around quite comfortable with my surroundings. I had decided to enjoy myself, and that is exactly what I did!

What a powerful lesson I learned: I can behave and feel with intention instead of reacting to my surroundings. Powerful. Liberating.

I am in charge of me!

Wishing you joy and blessings,

Pessy