Life & A Tennis Ball: It bounces against one wall, then another, then another, then another. If we analyze the angles of impact and velocity, we could know where the ball will finally land. Suppose that's life but we don't know all the angles of impact or traveling velocity. Suppose we don't need to know in order to believe ("make-believe") that the universe is benevolent and we're never lucky, just blessed.

Life & a Tennis Ball #2. And we're never unlucky, we're just judging that we don't like what's happened. When we call it chaos and/or random, it's not about what's out there...it's about how we view what's out there! Not understanding doesn't imply disorder, it just means we don't understand (why they fight, why they scream, why they judge, why they lie, why they choose to hurt others). If we don't require the tennis ball (people, events) to land in any particular place for us to be happy, then not understanding (ah, the chaos) doesn't mean we are without choice. We can still choose to not judge and be happy, to not need a certain outcome and be at peace.

Love, Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman/Teacher/Author, "Happiness is a Choice")

From Angie Hooper: The Power Dialogues program started today. I made up a belief a while ago that I would "get my money's worth" out of any program within the first morning, and then anything I learn after that is bonus material! That intention worked for me again this morning in class. Here's a sample of my learnings from this morning:

• I had been making myself nervous about coming to the Power Dialogues program because it could change my life. As if the program was going to do something to change me when, really, through the program I am giving myself access to a tool that I could use to change myself. In other words, the program doesn't change me -- I change me.

• If I want to be a connoisseur of the Dialogue Process then I might try something that seems strange or unusual just to see how it tastes.
• If I'm needing a specific outcome from an explorer, then I'm being "directive" as the mentor. My attitude can be directive even if I don't use any directive language.

Labels: Option Process Dialogues

From Angie Hooper: It's funny sometimes to think about how much I use my Option Process training at work when I started to study it for reasons that I thought were completely separate from my career. Just the other day, an email came through from an email address that gets high priority and some of the words in ALL CAPS. The email ended with a tersely worded request for additional action "and this means YOU Angie". Did I panic? No. Did I panic in the past when I read similarly worded emails? Yes. Was it a new response because I was using the Option Process? Yes.

Labels: career

From Toni: What greater success is there than being absolutely in love with life?! Regardless of what is "going on" in this world or next door or even and ESPECIALLY in your checkbook... Living to become present to myself and apply and re-explore beliefs in all situations. Having the perfect loving questions to ask myself to ultimately pave my own path to happiness. Trusting myself and finding happiness in every moment is a success that I never imagined! CHA-CHING!

Flexibility and buildings: Years ago, we built buildings out of the hardest materials to be strong and withstand environmental challenges - like earthquakes. They fell down anyway. Today, we build buildings to be flexible...to sway, to move, even put some of them on rollers. The lesson: when we're brittle, we break -- when we're flexible, we move with the wind and the currents. We survive/we thrive. Be flexible.
Be like the wings of an aircraft. Movement is a sign of life. Rigidity is the echo of death. The universe celebrates itself through constant change -- nothing is set (that's only an illusion). Everything flexes -- everything moves. We can be intentional and design/redesign ourselves for the greatest capability to be flexible and to move.

Love and smiles, Bears (Co-Founder/Option Institute)

Your life: A suit off the rack, a suit made to your measurements or a totally custom-designed suit of your own design. We often create our life based on the beliefs, values and shoulds of others (a mixture of random beliefs "off the rack"). What about today...we clear the rack and think of one belief that we like and want to live by? We feel weird in our skin because someone else provided the glue. Love, Bears

From Angie Hooper: It's feedback season at work. Once a year, I get a sit down formal review with my boss. I love getting feedback but I didn't like it back when I started my current job. I had a bad experience with feedback as a baby lawyer* and whenever I sat down with my current boss, I'd usually start either making excuses (if the feedback was a point to change) or hysterically giggling (if the feedback was neutral or positive). This made my boss crazy, so he gave me feedback on feedback.

The strangest part to me of my giggle-reflex was that I continued to behave so nervously after so much feedback training as part of my Son-Rise Program and Option Process journey. In my Son-Rise Program, if someone has an idea of how I could be more effective, I want to know about it. Why would it be different for my job? Isn't my effort at work as valuable as my effort in the playroom? Why wouldn't I want feedback to make time at work as effective and enjoyable as possible? I'm living in a benevolent universe, so my boss did something very "Option Process" this year during my feedback. He said, "Why do you do that hysterical laughter?" I also did something very "Option Process": I answered the question. He nodded. Then he gave my feedback, and it was insightful and useful--everything one would hope feedback would be. Everything that feedback has been when I've worked with Son-Rise Program teachers. Another gift to me because of Eric's autism. I'm becoming a better parent, a more comfortable person, and now more accomplished as a professional through everything I'm learning as part of the Son-Rise Program and Option Process.

*In case you're curious, here's the story and a great example of how not to give effective feedback: one day (when I worked at a law firm) I found a brown envelope on my office chair containing a stack of handwritten reviews from every partner I'd worked with in the firm. One of them recited a litany of aspersions and ended with, "I'm sure she has some redeeming qualities, but I'm not interested in finding out what they are." Now, of course, I see the many gifts of the personal attack-disguised-as-feedback, including the nudge to get out of a situation that had run its course. (Plus, I know now that none of those insults were about me.) But I carried that brown envelope around in my head every day at work until recently.

Labels: career, Son-Rise Program

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Recently in our Calm Amid Chaos program: One Major Thesis of the "Intellgrid" which we designed as an "intelligent" grid through which to view the world (events/people/ourselves) around us is: change is continuous. The stars, mountains, rivers, our bodies, our beliefs -- the universe celebrates itself through change. Resisting change is resisting the celebration. Dive in/do your best and then let go.

Labels: Bears, Calm Amid Chaos, Change, Highlighted

From Toni: All of my in-Authenticity and Lies have built up over time, teaching people how I wanted to be treated, or so they thought! I have had so much trouble in the past trying to figure out why people would take advantage of me, have so many expectations or judgements against me... OR not listen to me when I tell them what I want. Looking back I can see that I was so fake with people. My actions and words were so different. People around me were acting with love and innocence, for the most part. It was ME that set them up to believe or think something about me that just wasn't true.

The example that sticks out in my mind, of course, is the fake orgasm. Ah yes, I think I could win an Academy Award for my acting skills in the bedroom! My first fake orgasm came long ago, early on in my relationship with my husband. It seemed like I just couldn't climax. I would introduce fun and games into the bedroom to 'make' things more exciting, but in the end I would fake an orgasm; not wanting my lover to think he was inadequate or to confess that I was having a hard time climaxing.

I see so clearly now that what he was observing was someone that was really enjoying herself! Instead of being truthful and telling him what I wanted, when it felt good, or when it didn't; I would roll my eyes in the darkness and think to myself, "Oh, God here we go again- just get it over with". I would get angry and frustrated with HIM, when all along it was ME creating my own experience. Can you imagine after ten years, not knowing the person you are married to? Even in what most would consider the most intimate part of your married life? I can imagine that would be much more difficult to chew on than just being real from the beginning. Start your new beginning!! We can do it anytime, ALL the time!

What a completely different experience it is to be honest in the bedroom :) To be in control of my own experience and giving someone else the gift of authenticity. Definetely and "orgasmic" experience!

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): We have only this moment, then the next, then the next. Our lives are not like still digital photographs but constantly fluid like fast-moving video. What appears permanent in one moment is gone the next. When we hold on tight to this situation, this relationship, this job, this state of health, when it changes, instead of changing easily with the change (seizing the opportunity of that moment), we tend to hold on tight (for dear life) - and we become brittle and break. Instead of welcoming the new landscape with flexibility and ease, we mourn the past which isn't - any longer - because the next moment, the next situation, the next relationship, the next job, the next new state of health or illness is already here. Raindrops become oceans. Mountains become valleys. Ever- changing is the beauty of our nature, of nature, of the universe around us. Our job is not only to swim in the river but be the river. Love Bears (Option Inst.)

Labels: Bears, Change

From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): Breakfast Discussion: Does it matter? Does it matter that you achieve what you wanted to achieve, get recognition for your accomplishments and be approved of by others? Would it be sweet? Sure. Does it matter? Ah, that's up for grabs. What... I believe matters is how you did what you did. With love? With sincerity? With authenticity? With kindness? Applause comes from the outside, divinity is within.

More on "does it matter?" If you want recognition and applause, go to the mirror and give yourself a standing ovation. That you matter to you, that you approve of you, that you know your own caring and decency...ah, that's the ballgame. And if you're not quite ready to do that because you want to change parts of yourself...do it anyway as you work on yourself. Happiness and love as a choice right now is the path to happiness and love – not judgment or self-condemnation. Go ahead, check yourself out in the mirror, give yourself a big smile and lots of love. Love, Bears (Co-Founder/Option Institute)

Labels: Bears, Clarity of Purpose, Empowerment, Happiness Is A Choice

FROM ANGIE HOOPER: Rush hour traffic crept forward as I noticed details of the car in front of me. It's bumper sticker said, I'm sorry...was it my job to fill your life with joy today? My first thought, "Hey, dude, don't be so snarky." But then my Option Process reflexes kicked into gear.

Labels: Calm Amid Chaos, Happiness, Happiness Option