One of the most powerful journeys my wife, Samahria, and I faced took place 21 years ago, when we designed a program, based on a loving and nonjudgmental attitude, that enabled our son to completely emerge from autism. After this and the airing of the NBC television movie Son-Rise, based on our story, we were overwhelmed with requests for our assistance. In 1983 we founded The Option Institute, offering workshops to help families and individuals from around the world find a more loving and empowering way of addressing life's challenges - including those presented by parenting.
Although we raised only six children, I believe we could have nurtured 60 and found that just as easy. Why? First, we had developed principles of living that apply easily to parenting. Because of this, we felt at ease with our children as we tried to guide them through their teenage years, despite their sometimes confused attempts to experience their own power and individuality.
Second, we parent with strong intentions. When working with families at our learning center, I observe that those who enjoy their children most are the ones who live and parent with a set of principles, or intentions, in mind. Unfortunately, most parents have not consciously developed a frame of reference that helps them understand their daily interactions with their children.
When someone decides to become an architect, social worker, plumber, electrician, or taxicab driver, society tells us that these endeavors are so important that we must educate ourselves in our chosen field and then actually be tested on what we've learned. Then we will be given a license to operate, whether it's to perform brain surgery or to install a light switch in a wall. Interestingly, in two critically important areas, love relationships and parenting, we are given absolutely no education. Before we get a driver's license, we find out where the brake and the accelerator are. However, when we have children, we have no understanding of how they operate. We don't know where the child's accelerator is, we don't know where the brakes are, and we don't know where the switches are to help our youngsters turn things on and off in themselves. Oftentimes we enter parenting with little forethought, ignorant of the dynamics of childrearing and possessing little mastery over our own thoughts and feelings.
If I could do anything to teach people about parenting, the first thing I would do is ask them some basic, extraordinarily fundamental questions, ones that often remain unasked. "Why do you want to be a parent?" "What do you hope to give and receive?" "What principles do you want to teach?" When I ask myself why I became a parent, the answer is very clear. I wanted to be a parent because I wanted to experience love, give love, and teach love. I felt that my relationships with my children would give me an incredible arena in which to make love tangible; this was a precious experience that I wanted deeply.
Indeed, I have wanted my children to be neat, responsive, and respectful, to be good students and dear friends; yet all these aspirations have consistently taken a backseat to my primary objective as a parent, which has to do with teaching happiness and love. Mom and Dad are crucial role models in helping children open their hearts and minds to making happiness, love, and respect for others a priority in their lives.
To that end, we teach families easy principles based on our awareness of human interpersonal dynamics rather than externally derived "have tos," "shoulds," or "supposed tos." The following, at first, might surprise you. The principles may seem radical, outrageous, maybe even uncaring. However, my intention and delivery have always been to teach and foster love. I assure you, I love my children passionately and have found these guiding perspectives extraordinarily useful in teaching them how to choose love and happiness.
