Reprinted from Kindred Spirit, The UK's Leading Guide for Body, Mind & Spirit

by Richard Beaumont

Can happiness be a lasting reality for us 24 hours a day? It can according to the folks of America's Option Institute. Richard Beaumont introduces the practical philosophy of Barry Neil Kaufman and Samahria Lyte Kaufman, the founders of the Institute, who have facilitated thousands of people towards true happiness in their lives by showing them how to push back the boundaries of their limiting beliefs and open themselves to a new perspective.

There is a deep transformative alchemy in the kernel of every moment, and one of the keys to unlocking this possibility is choice. For those at New England's Option Institute, happiness is simply a choice away. Yes, all those things you were going to do, in order to be happy are actually in your way. Choice is the main issue - deciding to be happy now.

In order to provide the background and support for this startling assertion, let us first consider what happened when the founders of The Option Institute decided to actualize choice in their lives, and run counter to the 'best' advice available.

Choice, this key to happiness, is hidden from many of us by Western society's habitual reliance on 'experts' - the boffins that are wheeled onto the public stage whenever we have an opportunity to face the unthinkable, the incomprehensible, or the unbearable. We are led to believe that they 'make sense' of the situation 'for us' or on our behalf. The vast majority of us tend to 'believe' that what they are saying is 'true' or at the very least 'well-informed' despite the fact that they frequently disagree with each other. We let the 'experts' declare the boundaries of the situation but in doing so we disempower ourselves and turn away from the opportunity for body, mind and soul to grapple with the unthinkable, the incomprehensible, the unbearable. If we were to choose otherwise we would give ourselves the chance to perceive just how magical this moment truly is, and we ourselves in it.

For, according to the Kaufmans, our very reality is bounded and structured only by our beliefs, yet beliefs can and do change.

The autistic challenge

"Your child, Raun, is classically and profoundly autistic. He is also functionally retarded in his abilities with an IQ score of less than 30. He will never be normal. His disability is hopeless and eventually he will have to be put away into a special institution. The best you can hope for is that you can get him into a special school by the age of five." These words from the mouths of many 'expert' physicians and neuropsychologists gave Raun's parents, Barry and Samahria Kaufman, a clear choice: either accept the 'hopeless' diagnosis of the 'experts' (surely a self-fulfilling prophecy), or reject it. They chose to reject it.

Barry later wrote, "Raun was a flower, not a weed; an adventure, not a burden. What others portrayed as an affliction, we began to behold as a gift." This was the mid '70s and the Kaufmans had a background in various self-growth activities from the human potential movement in America. They were already beginning to make happiness and love priorities in their lives. So they chose to view Raun's autism as a wonderful opportunity and decided to try to break through his autistic shell themselves by 'totally accepting him' and surrounding him with love and attention. They completely accepted him for who he was and whatever he was doing. They called him their 'Buddha from another planet' because although he was distant and encapsulated in his own world he was soft, gentle and beautiful. They joined him in his world, did whatever he did, rocking or spinning around and the like, gradually building a trust and a bond with him. Then, at the crucial moment when he would look out from his world and connect with them through eye contact or touch, they would enthusiastically celebrate that connection and encourage him to join their world - with a word, a walk or by doing something they wanted him to do. If he did they would celebrate even more; if not, they would completely accept that, and continue to attempt to join him in his world.

This proactive approach to lovingly encourage him out of his shell was intense. For three months Samahria spent 70 hours or more a week locked alone with Raun in their downstairs bathroom, the least distracting room in their house. Their two daughters, Bryn, nine, and Thea, six, joined in the intensive therapy as well. Barry says, "From early morning to early evening, we stayed with him until he went to sleep. We skipped meals or ate them on the floor next to him. We made every second count, taking down notes and writing down questions for our nightly discussions. We tried to know him as if we were inside him. We found our love increased with each passing week as we grew infinitely more respectful of his dignity and specialness."

Two psychologists counseled the Kaufmans to cease what they considered to be 'reinforcing' Raun's 'sick' behavior. But Barry and Samahria refused to label their son as 'sick' and continued their round--the-clock program. By the 11th week Raun began to ask for things; after five months his vocabulary jumped in a week from seven to 75 words. When he was 24 months old he was re-tested and found to be, in some tests, functioning at the 30-36 month age level. The dull, encapsulated and unreachable little boy had become articulate and very intelligent. By the age of five he showed no signs of autism whatsoever. He became a highly verbal, extrovert, loving and curious young boy with a near genius IQ. Raun went on to earn a degree in biomedical ethics from a prestigious American university.

The Kaufmans, through their success with Raun, went on to form the Son-Rise Program - in which they and a dedicated staff teach families a parent-directed, home-based program that has helped countless children with special needs to learn and grow.

As beliefs change so does life

The stories related above from the life of the Kaufmans I have found both inspiring and sufficiently concrete to have passed my 'reality' test. I wish now to explore the philosophy behind their very real successes in those cases and the numerous 'miracle' stories related through The Option Institute books (by Barry Neil Kaufman) that have formed the basis of the research for this article. We all want to believe in miracles such as the remission of disease, joy from tragedy, success against 'overwhelming odds' and so on.

The basic premise is not a new one: we are born innocent, open, loving and happy, but we are systematically conditioned into unhappiness by the habitual behavior of our parents, peer groups, teachers, religious institutions and the various controls of society to become actors in our own lives. It is not merely our reliance on 'experts' to guide us that disempowers us. We rely primarily on an internal set of negative and life-suppressing beliefs formed at an early age to ascertain whether a situation is 'good' for us and what is and is not possible. One example of this is the tricks a child will play in order to get a sweet or to stay up late. By crying and throwing tantrums they will attempt to manipulate the parents into feeling guilty and giving in to their demands. If they succeed the clear message is: feigning unhappiness gets them what they want. Unfortunately, over time, the feigning part of the act gets lost and unhappiness becomes a 'successful' strategy by which to live.

At The Option Institute they say that it is the way we look at life (our beliefs and judgements) that determines our experience. The beliefs we create shape our thoughts and therefore our actions, often in a never-ending circle of unhappiness.

But what makes such a philosophy exciting is that it has practical applications and has led to a much happier lifestyle for thousands of people. Hand in hand with a worldview shaped by beliefs comes a comprehensive procedure for unearthing the beliefs in an individual's life that are fuelling his or her unhappiness. It is called simply the 'dialogue' process. A counselor trained in this process encourages a person experiencing unhappiness to be as specific as possible about the 'problem' and then continues to gently ask questions of that person, without prioritizing problem solving, and with non-judgmental acceptance of the answers. Slowly an attitudinal shift takes place: the specific belief fuelling this unhappiness is identified; the explorer makes a decision at that moment or later on, whether they want to continue to hold that belief - if it is truly serving them. If they don't want it, they drop it and a new vision emerges. People are empowered to change by choosing to see the same old problems from a different perspective. Life changes are an easy, natural consequence of this process, which holds as a fundamental principle that happiness is not dependent on anything external. Many people believe that if only they had more time, money, sex, power, youth etc. then they would be happy. But as Barry says: "What we generate and feel has nothing directly to do with the stimulus outside and everything to do with the happiness option we trigger inside. What we discovered is that we can access that mechanism within as a choice or completely self-generated decision, we can be happy without a reason... happiness is reason enough in itself." Barry cites children as a great example of this, as they demonstrate an amazing power to turn their happiness switches on and off at will.

But if unhappiness is so prevalent in the world doesn't it have any advantages? For example, doesn't a little bit of manic tension help to sharpen our minds and focus our thoughts? Not according to The Option Process®. Unhappiness limits our perception and clouds our vision. Happiness by comparison allows us to be relaxed and comfortable, which increases our clarity profoundly as we are able to stand flexible and unafraid. Interestingly enough, it was precisely the creation of this attitude that was employed as a primary tactic by Michael Thomas, the 'language master'. A famous linguistic teacher of film stars who could have anyone speaking a foreign language within just a few days. Thomas utilized soft lighting, comfortable chairs, allowed no note taking and had just the one rule: under no circumstances should the students ever try to remember anything. Despite running contrary to the accepted teaching practices of most schools and teaching establishments, it worked every time. The relaxed and playful way he conveyed his knowledge was easily absorbed into minds relaxed and receptive. Happiness, says The Option Institute, empowers us with an attitudinal advantage in every situation. As Barry says: "Although I have learned from pain, I have grown so much more from happiness. Although I can point to suffering as an ingredient I mixed into my search for a more spiritual awareness, I recognize that my increased inner ease, self-acceptance and happiness has allowed me a profound spiritual embrace not available in the midst of my desperation and discomfort."

The user-friendly universe

Often people cite their external circumstances as a reason for their unhappiness. But as belief makers, we can create any vision of the universe that we like and then accumulate evidence to support it. Two prisoners can be locked in similar cells: for one it is a hell - miserable and restricting; the other is so grateful to have time to meditate quietly by himself and to be able to see the clouds moving across the sky through the barred window. One prisoner can look at the walls enclosing him and declare the world a hostile and predatory place, the other has been given the time and space he needs and sees the universe as friendly.

Beyond this well-known anecdote Barry Neil Kaufman finds evidence of a user-friendliness in the recent discoveries of the responsive nature of the universe: James Lovelock's Gaia Theory (the planet as a single self-regulating organism); Rupert Sheldrake's morphogenetic fields theory (species sharing an invisible communications field); the fact that two pendulums put side by side will synchronize harmoniously; the tendency for women sharing close proximity to develop similar menstrual cycles, etc. Barry chooses to see that such a user-friendly, responsive universe must certainly support a pursuit of happiness.

Barry refers to those that have gone through The Option Process as 'attitudinal pioneers' and stresses that an openness to their, and our, current state is as important as the willingness to see it change. "When we greet people's discomforts and self-incrimination with an attitude of love and acceptance, they tend to relax their guard and begin the process of unearthing the beliefs that have fuelled their unhappiness. Their struggle becomes a dance. Judgements melt away. They become more self-trusting and more self-accepting. They develop a sense of inner peace. They realize that they are not against themselves in spite of self-defeating behavior - in fact, they always do the best they can and act with the best of intentions."

Challenging the accepted 'wisdom'

Some readers may wish to dismiss The Option Process as too simplistic and naive: that we can change our lives by just changing our beliefs, and that we can change our beliefs just by choosing to do so. However, it may be of interest to take note of Barry Neil Kaufman's observations on the results of a recent survey done by behavioral researchers using P.E.T. (Position Emission Tomography) scanning. This allows researchers to create computer-generated color graphics of the brain in action. The results showed that the left brain became extraordinarily active when subjects watched photographs that stimulated happiness and comfort whereas the right brain became engaged when watching scenes that generated fear, anxiety and discomfort. Therefore it showed, much to everyone's surprise, that our capacity for happiness was very much centered in the left brain and associated with our ability to think and make judgements (or release them).

Certainly the methods employed at The Option Institute may sound simple. Awareness, truth and acceptance also sound simple. But simple doesn't equate with easy. It takes considerable attention and courage to maintain a high level of watchfulness over yourself. Neither does simple equate with naive. I realize that, in some circles these days, it can sound a bit naff to say 'I want to be happy' rather than 'cool', 'hip' or 'slick'. But I for one have become weary of the threadbare sophistication behind which modern day people hide so much unhappiness. I choose to enjoy the simple possibility that happiness is a lot closer to our grasp than we ever thought before.

The Option Institute claims to be able to invoke the happiness option and connect with a user-friendly universe at will, but this runs contrary to the accepted norms of psychoanalysis, whereby it is seen as normal that a person should have fears, discomforts and anxiety. Are they both right, or neither, or just one of them? I'd say it all comes down to a matter of choice.